Page 32 of The Moon Also Rises
“You are a hoot!”
“That’s me!” I say, pulling on Rami’s hand in the direction of the bar.
Considering the good weather, I’m not surprised there isn’t anyone inside the bar and we are able to order Rami a tonic water in no time at all.
“Jesus, still half an hour before this thing gets started,” I say after checking my watch.
“Melanie was lovely,” Rami says. “I think it’s going to be a great wedding.”
“Oh, sure, it’s going to be the fucking wedding of the fucking millennium,” I say with jazz hands and no holding back on the acid in my tone.
“Jake, please, can we talk?” A voice interrupts my performance.
Shit.Lionel.
I glance at Rami who nods at me very slowly and very deliberately. When his hand comes to squeeze the top of my arm, I nearly beg him not to leave me but even I have some standards and I’m going to do my best to hold onto them before they’re taken away from me by the copious amounts of champagne I am now promising myself as Rami walks away and Lionel steps in to take his place in front of me.
“Lionel, we really don’t have to do this now. You’re about to get married for Christ’s sake. You should be with your family or doing stretches or having a nervous poo or just doing something… else,” I say, calling on every facet of my wit to get me out of this conversation.
“It’s actually really important to me we talk before I get married,” Lionel says, still solemn.
“What on Earth could be that important?” I huff out a laugh.
“I want to apologise.”
I pause letting his words sink in. “Youwant to apologise?To me?” My voice is practically a squeak.
“Yes.” Lionel nods. I realise that he’s wearing contacts. The lack of glasses has the illusion of enlarging his features and somehow bringing his face closer to mine. “The way we ended… how things ended in Crete. It was such a mess.”
When I realise how serious he is, as inexplicable as that is, I drop my facade.
“Yes, it was, but Lionel, it wasmymess. Me. Mine.Imade it a mess.”
“But I just left.” Lionel leans a little closer. “I didn’t even hand in my resignation properly. Didn’t even print it off and sign it. I just emailed it to HR, with you cc-ed. Cc-ed, Jake! How terrible is that?”
“Could have been worse. You could have bcc-ed me.”
“You were my manager!”
“And you were my employee, which is why everything that happened,” I put my hand firmly on my chest and make sure I meet his eyes, “it was all my fault, and I’m truly, truly sorry. I should never have started a sexual relationship with you, and after I did, I never should have let it get to where it… got. And then I should never have slept with the Greek man who delivered our sausages. I made a huge mess of a friendship I sincerely valued, and I will always be sorry for that.”
Lines form in Lionel’s forehead and his chin wobbles once, twice, and I am almost certain he’s about to cry, when his features do an about-turn, and his face stretches into a wide, genuine smile.
“Well, I’m still sorry for leaving like I did. I’m also sorry I pushed you so hard about us maybe being official. I see now how impossible that would have been. I realise now that you were trying to protect me by not getting more serious, and I’m grateful for that.”
My stomach sinks with Lionel’s generosity in interpreting the situation this way, the wrong way, but I don’t correct him. I don’t dare tell him that the reason we were never official is because of my deep-rooted commitment and abandonment issues.
“Lionel, please don’t blame yourself for any of what happened between us. I know you have far more important vows to make today, but could you make me that one small promise?”
Lionel’s eyes are misty when he nods at me. “I can do that. Can we hug now?”
And we do. We hug in a way that I’m quite certain absolves a lot of the shitty feelings that have been plaguing me since I woke up that morning in Crete and discovered he’d gone. I want to poke myself in the eye for not trying to instigate this sooner. Yet another thing I judged wrong.Idiot.
“I figure it’s different for you and Rami,” Lionel says into my ear before he pulls back. “You’re more colleagues, right? You’re not his boss. That’s why you’re more comfortable being with him.”
As we pull apart, I will never know if my smile is more like the grimace it feels like. “Something like that.”
“I’m so happy you met Rami. I know you said it’s early days but you make such a good-looking couple,” Lionel says.
