Page 142 of The Moon Also Rises
“Rami, according to Hello! Magazine you DJed at the wedding of a Swedish princess in 2007.That’san honour! Lionel and Luigi’s wedding was hardly the same!” Jake’s voice threatens to become a shrill squawk.
“No, it wasn’t the same. Their wedding was much better,” I raise my voice, “because I was there with you.”
This silences Jake and I’m not pleased because he looks a little off kilter, but rather I’m glad his silence gives me an opportunity to take another two steps closer to him.
“I know it’s more than I should even think of asking for but could I just say a few things? They’re things I should have said months ago, I know that, and it won’t take long – it is your party after all – but you deserve an apology from me and I’d like to give it to you.”
“Rami, it’s really not—”
“Please, Jake.”
Jake looks skyward and I briefly wonder if he also notices the full globe of the moon and how brightly it shines in London’s starless night sky. I wonder if he finds comfort in that too.
“Okay,” he says on an exhale.
“I’m sorry,” I begin. “I’m sorry I left you like I did. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my past. I’m sorry I couldn’t be your boyfriend two months ago. I’m sorry I disappeared completely. I’m sorry I showed up at your party and caused what now feels like a bit of a scene…”
Jake’s eyebrows peak. “It was… a lot.”
“Too much?”
Jake inhales sharply through his nose and tilts his chin up. “Speaking as somebody who is often too much for most people, I can confirm that it wasn’t even close to being too much.”
Something clamps around my heart at his words, but I know I’m not in a place to reach for him or offer him a soothing response.
Please, let me one day have that honour again.
“Well, I’m sorry if it upset you. The way you left at the end—”
“I left because I needed air. I needed some space… to think.” His voice drops and so do his eyes. “I never expected to see you tonight.”
“I told you I’d come back for you.” I square my shoulders.
“And is that what you’re doing? Coming back for me?” Jake asks with widening eyes. It feels like a gift to see their chestnut colour swirl in the moonlight again.
“Yes,” I say resolutely.
“But… why?” Jake says with a sigh. He sounds exhausted, empty.
“Jake… everything you said that night we were supposed to have dinner—”
“Our first and last date,” Jake sneers and I take the hit. I deserve to feel pain right now and I know I can deal with it, especially if Jake keeps talking to me.
“Well, everything you said is still true for me. It’s never not been true. But I knew I couldn’t be with you properly, fully, until I finished the therapy I had to do. You see, after I left RemiX, the cult, I did go to rehab but I left after a week because I found out about my dad dying and I just had to get back home and see my mom and sisters.”
The softness in Jake’s expression disappears as quickly as it comes.
“But why couldn’t you tell me all this? Why couldn’t you be honest with me? And after I told you everything about my debt. Don’t you see how unfair that was?” Jake’s hands move almost as quickly as his mouth and his neck strains as his voice gets louder again.
“Yes, it was very unfair. And it was wrong. It’s wrong I still haven’t told you everything, in my own words, but I want to. I want to tell you everything, and I want to keep telling you everything.”
Jake’s shoulders rise and fall as he takes a deep breath.
“You still haven’t answered my question.” He crosses his arms. “Why have you come back?Whyare you coming back for me?”
I look up to the dark grey sky for inspiration, and I find it.
“Because I am your moon.”
