Page 136 of The Moon Also Rises
I smile again, but this time more to myself. What she’s just said feels like permission to do something I spent most of my time in rehab envisioning. “Then maybe you can help me with something.”
Cassie leans forward. “I’m all ears.”
“I need to get in touch with a semi-famous influencer,” I say pulling out my phone. “Mae’s her name on social media , but she’s Maeve in real life. She’s Irish. I can show you her profiles but I really need her private number.”
Cassie rolls her eyes as I show her my phone screen. “Too easy. You could at least have made it a challenge for me.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Two Weeks Later
Jake
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t allowed myself a daydream or two about tonight.
In those daydreams, I’m wearing couture and the glossiest polished shoes, the music is exactly to everyone’s taste and the champagne flows without end. In those daydreams, the people I love most in the world all mingle together and share laughter and smiles, I dance with my sister, Marty and Maeve, and I am hugged by Dana and Dove, and their spouses. In those daydreams, I have my photo taken with Lionel and Luigi, and with no shadow of a doubt, I am the one who looks the most handsome in the resulting photograph. In those daydreams I give a speech that everybody laughs and cries at in all the appropriate places. In those daydreams, my father seeks me out of the crowd to tell me how proud he is of me.
And sometimes in those daydreams, if I let them get this far, Rami is by my side. Rami, looking sharp in his tux with his velvet bow tie. Rami, holding my hand like he did at Lionel and Luigi’s wedding. Rami, slow dancing with me to Stevie Wonder or maybe to some of the George Michael I have insisted the DJ play later. Rami, staying close as we circulate and make small talk with the guests, and then later, Rami, piggy-backing me up to one of the suites upstairs after the party is over. Rami, laying me on the bed and peeling off my clothes and calling me his beautiful boy.
But Rami is not here. Rami is still in LA, I assume. Rami has not been in touch. Rami has not come back for me like he said he would.
And I am trying to be okay with that. I’m trying because the alternative is too bleak to entertain. Furthermore, a quick glance around my current surroundings confirms I have more than enough entertaining duties in this present moment.
It’s shortly after eight o’clock and everybody is here at my birthday party, apart from my father. I didn’t expect him to be prompt, but I also didn’t expect him to be the most fashionably late. But this is another thing I’m trying not to think about.
I’ve said brief hellos to almost everyone, excusing myself from protracted conversations on account of new guests arriving, and now I am standing at the bar taking my much-needed first stationary sip of champagne as I look around the room.
And I’m not alone. Maeve is standing next to me, having accompanied me to the bar, but she’s now focused on her phone and I’m grateful for the moment of peace that gives me. It also means I can finally take in the scene in front of me.
I watch as Jenna and Marty chat with Luigi and Lionel, and in barely a minute I count at least four occasions when Marty’s hand comes up to caress Jenna’s stomach which is only slightly showing her pregnancy. Close to them, Dove and Dana are holding hands and are deep in conversation while Keeley, Dove’s tattoo-covered wife, and Javier, Dana’s bespectacled accountant husband, make what is clearly awkward small talk beside them. At a table to the side, I see Sharon and her wife Kate with full plates of the canapes the hotel arranged. I watch them for long enough to see Sharon pop something in Kate’s mouth and they both share a smile and eye contact as Kate kisses the tip of Sharon’s finger before it leaves her lips. Although the DJ has yet to start playing any of my long list of requested song choices, Harry, Derek and a handful of my other friends are on the dancefloor trying far too hard to outdo one another with their moves.
The whole scene is perfect. My friends are all here. They are people who love me, care about me, and they’re all here for me. I just wish I didn’t feel like one very important part was missing.
“Oh, God,” I groan loudly enough for Maeve to hear.
“What’s up?” She lifts her head.
“Nothing, just London’s most depressingly loved-up newlyweds on their way to make me feel worse about turning forty as a single man.”
“Ugh, I hate loved-up people,” Maeve says with what sounds like genuine distaste. “Need me to come up with something to save you?”
I sigh. “No, I should probably face this car crash head on.”
“Okay, I’ll leave you to it,” she says. “Good luck!” And Maeve shimmies away, her long blonde hair swaying behind her.
I swallow a large mouthful of champagne and plaster a firm smile on my face. “Lionel! Luigi! So good to see you.”
I’m pulled into a hug with both of them that I should hate but in truth, their closeness warms me.
“What an incredible party, Jake!” Lionel enthuses.
“Fantastic location,” Luigi adds. “You know we tried to host a catwalk show here last year but couldn’t get a look-in. You were lucky to secure it.”
“Perks of the job.” I shrug.
“We were just talking with Jenna,” Lionel says, his eyes sparkling. “She mentioned your father’s coming. That’s wonderful.”
I’d forgotten Lionel knows a little about my complex relationship with my father.
