Page 112 of The Moon Also Rises
“Well, has he been in touch with you?” I dart back at her.
“No, but that doesn’t bother me like it bothers you.”
“It doesn’t bother—” I stop when I hear how loud my voice has become. It’s almost louder thanStayin’ Alivewhich Rami and Marty are now shuffling their hips to side by side at the sink. “It doesn’t bother me as much as you think,” I say in a quieter voice and I taste the surprising truth in the statement, because it’s true that in recent months, thoughts of my father haven’t plagued me as much as they usually do.
“Are you going to invite him to your fortieth?”
“Ugh,” I say, annoyed at the reminder of a party I am yet to organise even though I don’t really want it to happen.
“I think he would come.” Jenna reaches for my hand, cups it between both her palms.
“It will be a room full of shrieking queens, queers, and beards. He and Carol will need to take sedatives to survive it.”
“He’s not a dinosaur. And he’s never had a problem with your sexuality.”
It’s true my father never gave me grief about being gay. In some ways, I used to wish he would. It would at least show in some sick, dark way that he cared.
“It’s one thing to put up withmygay flapping, but quite another to celebrate it.”
Jenna waits a moment before speaking again. “Jake, nobody puts up with you. We love you.”
Looking away is the only way I can stave off the threat of tears. My sister squeezes my hand a little tighter.
“Can I give you some advice, what with me being a little knowledgeable about matters of the heart?” Jenna leans closer still.
“Jenna, you wrote a best-selling book about falling in love. You have more knowledge about love in your little fingernail than I do in my whole brain and body.”
“That’s not true – you know a lot more about love than you think – but because it strokes my ego a little, let’s pretend I am an expert. I want you to listen to me very carefully. That man right there.” Her eyes glance quickly at Rami. “He wants to love you. And I think you should let him. Because I think you want to love him too.”
I let out a huff. “Even if that were true, it wouldn’t last.”
“Says who?”
“Me, and I have twenty years of evidence to support this.”
“Did you actually read my book? There are literal chapters on how relationships ending are not a bad thing.”
“So it’s a good thing that hurts like hell?” I spit back.
“Yes, it could be. Because that’s life, and that’s love.”
“Love is overrated—”
“Love is everything, Jake,” Jenna interjects, her voice now has an edge to it. “But it’s ultimately what we make it. Love can be as boundless and hopeful as you want it to be. Or it can be as devastating and hopeless as you believe it is. It’s up to you, Jake. What do you want love to be for you? Because love is what you deserve. You always have, you always will. So, do it. Let him love you.”
PART FOUR – LAST QUARTER
“I want to be in love with you the same way I am in love with the moon with the light shining out of its soul.”
Sanober Khan
Chapter Thirty-Six
Rami
Before I open my eyes, I reach for Jake, but he’s not there.
After our post-dinner conversations with Marty and Jenna went on past midnight, we fell asleep tangled together in our underwear, promising we would make up for the lack of sex in the morning, and yet, he’s not here for me to do that.
