Page 81 of Puck You
I was starting to wonder how the darkest, most miserable month of the year could bring me so much happiness when reality came flashing across my phone screen in a line of ten digits.The number wasn’t saved in my contacts, but I knew who it belonged to.The last time my mother had called me was on the day of my high school graduation.I could picture her perfectly in my mind, standing at the edge of the football field and clutching the strap of her purse like it was a lifeline.She’d shown up looking for forgiveness and the promise of a future with me, and I’d denied her both.
When the call finally ended, I let myself breathe again.Thelonger I stared down at my phone, the more agitated I grew.She hadn’t left a message, so I could only guess why she’d reached out.I considered calling her back just to tell her to fuck off, but the fear of hearing her voice stopped me.There was a strong likelihood I’d fall apart the moment she spoke.
I slipped on my noise-canceling headphones and forced myself to get ready for the day.No matter how loud I blasted my music, it wasn’t enough to drown out the sound of my phone ringing or the unease turning my stomach.The morning seemed intent on torturing me with how slowly it dragged on.I went through all the normal motions—practice, breakfast, class—feeling like I was trapped behind a warped pane of glass, the world nothing more than a blur of muffled sounds.It wasn’t until Sebastian found me at my study spot in Nelson Library that my senses started to return.Little by little, the filter lifted.Sound flickered on as he spoke, and the scent of musty books filled my nose.
“You seem quiet today,” he said, poking my foot under the table with his own.“Is everything okay?”
I’d been rereading the same sentence for ten minutes.“A little tired, maybe.”
Tell him, I thought.Tell him about the missed call.After all, Sebastian had said that we could talk about anything.I barely had time to consider the notion before my phone started to vibrate against the table.I hesitated for a long second, terrified to flip over the device and watch that familiar unsaved number move across the screen.But it was only my dad, and relief washed over me in an instant as I shot up from the chair, answered the phone, and stepped away from the table.
“Hey, Dad,” I said, coming to a stop on the other side of thebookshelves.“Any updates on Gabby?”
There was a long sigh from the other end of the phone, and I held my breath in anticipation of his response.“Well, she’s not too keen about seeing the school counselor.”
Yeah, I’m sure she’s not.
“Did you tell her that it’s important?”It was an effort to keep the frustration from my voice.
“I explained that she needed to work on her attitude andreminded her that she’ll have to pick up another activity without dance.”
I wanted to scream, and probably would have if I hadn’t been in the library.Heneededto put his foot down about this.How could he not see that Gabby required more than an attitude check?She needed professional help.
“You promised.”
“It’s not that simple, Grace.There are things that you don’t understand.”
“What if this has something to do with Mom?She called me this morning.”A crushing silence followed in the wake of my confession, and I felt my grip tighten over the phone clutched in my hand.
“It does have something to do with your mom.”
My heart dropped into my stomach.
“What do you mean?”
It took far too long for him to respond, but even in those tense moments of holding my breath, nothing could have prepared me for his next words.
“Gabby has been in touch with your mother for over a year now.The reason she called you is because Gabby asked her to.”
I didn’t know what to say.It was hard to think over theringing in my ears and the panic burrowing a hole in my chest.“How could you let her—”
“Gabby wants to know her mom.I might not like it, but I can’t keep them apart.She’s old enough to make her own decision about that.”
No.No.No.This couldn’t be real.
“Grace?”
I felt cold all over.The warmth had been sucked from the room and replaced with a bitter numbness.It seeped into my skin and traveled all the way down to the bone.
“You’ve been lying to me.Both of you have.”
Nothing.He had nothing to stay.He’d let that woman back into Gabby’s life and kept it from me.Like I hadn’t been the one to pick up the pieces of him when she left.
“I can’t believe this has been going on for so long.”My voice grew thick, weighed down with the awful truth of what he’d done.“When she breaks Gabby’s heart, if she hasn’t already, it’ll be your fault.”
I ended the call.There was absolutely nothing he could say to fix this.Not when my trust was completely shattered.I closed my eyes and took in a long breath through my nose, only stopping when my chest was so tight it felt ready to burst.I needed to hold myself together.At least until I was in the safety of my own bedroom.
I returned to the table without looking at Sebastian.As soon as my eyes fell across the screen of my laptop, I knew there was no point trying to finish my paper.
