Page 123 of Broken Beauty
Aiden is about three months old and I feel like I'm going crazy with the constant crying. Most of the time I have to be with Alex and hangout with her because Aiden only likes it when Ariella puts him to bed which I don't know why.
He probably already knows he won't like me.
“Not as stupid as I was feeling seven years ago,” I answer.
He asks me the same question every single night when he calls me and every single time I always answer truthfully.
We have one call a week dedicated to me talking to him about my feelings. Before it was three times a week, sometimes even daily when it got really bad, but I've grown since then.
Last time I punched a mirror was before Ariella was pregnant with Alex. It was really bad because when Ariella caught me, we yelled and screamed at each other.
I hated how I was so blind to how much I hurt her that night. She was crying so hard so I left.
I couldn't see her cry like that because of me.
I didn't call Jameson, although he tried to get a hold of me. Jace too and Bridgette.
Long story short I ended up at my dad's house and he let me stay the night. He talked to me and I think that's when our relationship started to change for the better.
I went back to Ariella in the morning and found her cleaning up the glass on the floor while crying. We ended up crying together and I told her how much of a mistake I was and she was being her amazing self. She told me she loved me no matter what and that what happened was just a slip up.
After that night I never punched a mirror. I hated how scared she looked.
That scared me.
Losing Ariella scared me because she was the only one to quiet t5he demons and the voices.
That night I just snapped. I don't know what caused it.
Jameson said it was probably a dream I had or just had the urge to do it.
“Good. You sound tired. Is everything going okay with Aiden?”
“Yea, he just keeps Ariella and I up. We never get time to ourselves that much because, like the fucking cockblock he is, he never lets her and I get a fucking hour together.”
“My son was the same way. The second children are always the worst.”
“Don't let your son hear that,” I chuckle as I put all the milk in the fridge.
“But seriously, everything is okay?”
“Yea. Everything is good besides that. After I'm done with you, I'm going to go see Ariella. She is putting Alex to sleep right now.”
Even though Alex is six, she loves her bedtime stories. She is a reader like me and Ariella. She is always saying how much she wants to read my books but she can't just yet because she needs to at least be sixteen to read what I write.
Most of my books are psychological thrillers but I have some romance books because Ariella demanded that I need to write one so that she could read it and I could be her favorite author. They aren't just romcoms, they are darker romance and Ariella said that’s okay.
She isn't scared about what I write. I'll admit that all of my books are twisted and fucked up. They are so fucked up and with the kind of shit I write in them, you would think I'm in a crazy hospital.
Writing is a way for me to be able to put all of my thoughts down without saying or expressing anything out loud.
It's because of Jameson that I'm an author. During our first month together, I decided to write in the notebook he gave me and I wrote everything I was feeling in a story format.
“Give me three things.”
Jameson asks me to give him three things I loved about the day or the week.
He already knows the two things.
