Page 282 of Mountain Grump
We walk the rest of the way in companionable female silence, listening to the breeze.
I don’t really get mail other than junk mail. But I get enough junk that I need to empty my box before too many days go by.
I toss three peas onto the ground for Quackers, then put the baggie back in my pocket so I can use both hands to remove the small stack of mail.
Tucking it in the crook of my left arm, I close the mailbox.
“Show me that one-eighty.”
Quackers picks up the last pea, then flaps her wings as she turns around and starts waddling back up the driveway.
A smile that only an animal can cause tugs on my lips. “Such a smart girl.”
Quackers flaps her wings again.
I try to keep the happiness she brings me. But happiness doesn’t seem to stick to me anymore.
“Stop,” I whisper to myself.
Except I can’t stop feeling awful.
Over the last few months, Ethan went from Stranger, to the person I wanted to be with most of all, back to Stranger.
And I think it’s worse. Having the good memories.
Because it’s not the first time someone has used me. But the other times… Those were from my family. And they’ve never been kind to me. Not the way Ethan… was.
All I’ve known from them was disappointment and pain.
But Ethan…
Ethan made me feel like I mattered.
He made me feel wanted.
Valued.
Ethan made me feel loved.
I hug the mail to my chest, trying to ease the ache in my heart.
I’d never felt like that before. And the sadness that coats me makes me fear I’ll never feel that way again.
I pause my steps. Close my eyes. And breathe.
I will be okay.
The sun is warm on my face. And I tip my head back to soak it in.
I’m going to be okay.
I exhale, then open my eyes.
“I’ll be okay.”
Quackers looks up at me as I look down at her. Then we start walking again.
As we round the turn in the driveway, I start to flip through the stack of mail.
