Page 252 of Mountain Grump
Me: Thanks for bringing me lunch today, Starlight.
Wife: Anything to see you in your fancy hat.
Wife: Can you pick up some duck food when you’re in town tomorrow?
Me: Yes. But I’m coming over tonight, remember?
Wife: I remember, but I don’t want to forget about the duck food.
Me: Do you want to go out for burgers tomorrow night?
Wife: Duh.
Me: There’s also a bake sale this weekend.
Wife: If you don’t take me, I’ll be upset.
Me: You didn’t even know about it until now.
Wife: And?
Me: Solid point.
Wife: Did you order this?
Wife: This is the longest floor mat I’ve ever seen in my life.
Me: That’s for the bedroom.
Wife: It’s a kitchen floor mat.
Me: It’s for my side of the bed. In the bedroom.
Wife: Are you serious?
Me: I’m seriously sick of busting my ass on the wood floor.
Me: Can you tell me if there’s an outlet on the front of your house?
Wife: It’s a little early for holiday decorations.
Me: But not too early to put that fountain you wanted in the duck pool.
Wife: Don’t joke about this.
Me: Hand to Quackers.
Wife: I just looked. There’s one by the door.
Chapter 139
Tilda
Hot Husband: If you come to the Visitor Center before three today, you can see a hawk.
Me: What kind of hawk?
Me: Don’t answer that.
