Page 38 of Now or Never
“As Christians, the point isn’t to shy away from reality. Or bury our heads in the sand. Fear can make you smarter. Butwhen it’s overwhelming to the point you can’t move, then it’s no longer a help. It’s a hinderance.”
“That’s what it feels like.”Paralyzingwas the word.
It seemed like she’d been stuck since she was captive and couldn’t get herself free of the mire. Every day, it was trying to pull her under.
Kenna didn’t want to drown.
“But there are things that are true regardless of how we feel, or the situation we’re in. Whatever is happening.” He paused. “You still believe God is real, and that He loves you?”
“Yes.” She didn’t want to say it, but… “It feels like I failed a test.”
“And God is surprised at that, or He’s disappointed in you?”
Kenna frowned. “Maybe I don’t know enough about being a Christian to answer that. My faith is still pretty new. I only became a believer a couple of years ago.”
“Some things take a lifetime of learning, and we all go at our own pace. The point is, we keep moving forward. That includes failing and getting back up.”
“I feel like I’m still down.”
Jesse Lee smiled. “There’s a song by a Christian band called ‘Dare You to Move,’ and one of the lines is, ‘I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor.’ But the truth is, sometimes we need a hand up. That’s what the body of Christ should be. What we’re designed to do for each other. Especially when life puts us on the floor.”
Kenna sniffed back tears.
“Your belief in God doesn’t depend on your circumstances. His love for you doesn’t change, even if you can’t feel it. What’s true is just true. Always was and always will be.”
Jax glanced at her. “We’ve both worked with people who blocked things from their mind during intense trauma. I’ve done it, and I wonder if you did as well. As a coping mechanism.”
“I blocked a lot out of my mind, but I was fully aware of what was happening.” She held his gaze. “Basically thinking about anything else, or anyone. Except you. Even with that, I couldn’t think about you much. I wouldn’t let myself go there, or it was going to swallow me alive.”
“And you think that doesn’t make you someone of incredible strength?”
“It didn’t work.”
“No? I think you held your ground through incredibly horrific circumstances. After all, you’re here, aren’t you? You and the baby are safe.”
“Because you rescued me.”
“Because God is good,” Jax said. “And He has a future for you that you haven’t yet realized. It sounds hokey, but if you weren’t meant to be here, then you wouldn’t have survived.”
Jesse Lee said, “When we believe we’ve sinned, it’s on us to repent. Whether Jax and I believe your lost faith is your fault or not, if you’re looking for a turnaround in your heart and mind, confess and believe. That’s how you were saved, and it’s how you get back on track.”
“It wasn’t a once-and-for-all thing?”
Jesse Lee tipped his head to the side and back, in a kind of nod. “In a way, yes. But we drift. We forget. Or we mess up. Returning to the Lord can be a daily thing, or every minute. Not necessarily saying a ‘sinner’s prayer’ every time, but the act of praying your way back to that close relationship might need to be something you do nearly constantly for a while. As a reminder to you that you need to keep Him close.”
Kenna shut her eyes.
“It’s going to take you time to heal, but think of it like recovery,” Jesse Lee explained. “We do the work, and at first, it’s a lot. It’s every moment and every second. Then it becomes more automatic. We don’t have to think so hard, or cling so closely.Although, that’s never a bad thing. It just becomes more natural toknowyou’re still abiding in Him.”
She glanced from him to Jax. “That’s what you do?”
“I learned it in recovery. I guess it’s been a while, so I didn’t remember. But now, it’s so natural.”
She put her hand on his arm. “Thank you for bringing me here. You shouldn’t feel bad that you didn’t think to phrase it like this.”
“She’s right, bro. This is what the body of Christ is.”
Kenna squeezed his arm, and Jax glanced between them. She said, “You and I have zero perspective when it comes to each other.”
