Page 43 of The Duke's Impossible Deal
You are not my father.
Tobias felt hollow. He ran a hand through his hair. His blood turned to ice in his veins as he turned to face his brother’s portrait.
“How do I keep making such a mess of things?” he muttered, looking into Eric’s smiling face. “I only wanted to teach him what he needed to know. I was not anywhere near as hard on him as… Was I?”
He closed his eyes, trying to recall the lesson. To recall what he had said. Shame mingled with his frustration as he remembered how angry he had been.
“Perhaps I was too hard on him. I should not have been so sharp with him,” he groaned. “I am not his father.”
His father’s voice echoed in his head.“You are just like me.”
Tobias shoved it angrily away. “I will not be him. I will not.”
But a little boy had just left his room in tears.
Tobias poured himself a glass of whiskey. “He has to learn these things. He has to. But I should have been more patient.”
A part of him wanted to go after Alistair, to make sure he was all right.
“You are not my father.”
He paused halfway towards the door. He was not the boy’s father, and clearly, he should not try to be.
“Perhaps Rowen was right.” He ran a hand along the stubble on his jaw.
She had asked him to keep his distance, and he had ignored her. And look where that had gotten them.
Thirteen
“Mama!” Alistair flung himself into Rowen’s arms, tears streaming down his face.
Rowen shifted on the new sofa, her heart thundering in her chest as she wrapped her arms around her son. She moved the book she had been reading out of the way so Alistair could snuggle closer.
“What happened, Alistair? Are you hurt?” Blood pounded in her ears as she ran her hands over him, looking for an injury.
Alistair shook his head, but his words were muffled by his sobs.
Rowen made soothing noises, gently stroking his hair as she rocked him. She could not remember the last time she had seen him so upset.
“It will be all right. Hush, I am here, little one. You are safe.” She rocked him, feeling his tears drip from his face onto her dress ashe burrowed into her. “Come now, just breathe. Just breathe. It will be all right.”
Alistair sniffled, tremors subsiding as he slumped against her. “I’m sorry, Mama. I know boys shouldn’t cry.”
“We all need to cry sometimes, darling. You do not need to apologize for that. I just want to make sure you are all right. Are you hurt? What happened?” She brushed his hair from his forehead and pressed a gentle kiss to it.
“I am too stupid to be an earl,” Alistair wailed. “I’m going to be a failure just like my father.”
“What? Who told you that?” Rowen’s hackles rose, and she pulled him back, wanting to get a better look at his face. “Your father was not a failure?—”
“He was. I know he was a bad man. I heard Aunty Verity talking to Aunty Adele about it once, and sometimes I hear the servants say things, and I know I am not supposed to eavesdrop, and I didn’t mean to, but…” Alistair’s bottom lip trembled. “I don’t want to be like my father. I don’t want to be a bad man.”
Rowen’s heart clenched, crumbling into pieces as she looked at her son’s tear-streaked face. “You could never be a bad man. You are good through and through.”
“But Father was useless—that is what everyone says. And he hurt you, and I don’t want to do that.” Fresh tears filled Alistair’seyes. “I know you tried to hide it from us because you didn’t want us to know how bad he was.”
“I wanted you to have good memories of him. There was some decency in him, and I know he loved you both.” Rowen let out a sigh. “Perhaps I should have told you the truth about him sooner, but you are so young. And I did not want you to be ashamed of who you are. Your father is a part of you, but what kind of man you choose to be is up to you. There are men with truly wonderful fathers who grow up to be awful. There are plenty of men with terrible fathers who grow into amazing, courageous men.
“You write your own destiny, my darling. Good men are made by their decisions, and I know that you will do your best to be a kind and noble man.”
