Page 62 of One Golden Ring
I nudge Mistletoe and we join her looking out over the mountaintop.
“He’ll understand about school if you give him time,” I tell her gently after a moment.
She shrugs, her eyes still fixed on the horizon.
“You were really brave to tell him how you felt,” I goon after a moment. “It takes a lot of guts to tell someone you care about the truth.”
She nods once and a tear slides down her cheek.
I reach out a gloved hand and she grabs it and squeezes tight, and we stay like that for a long time, watching the sun rise.
I wish I could take away her pain and loneliness.
Maybe I could, if I could just muster the courage to tell someone I care about the truth about how I feel…
20
DEREK
The forest seems to have gone still and quiet as I make my way down the mountain alone. The only sound is the big horse’s huffing breath, and my own heart pounding in my ears.
A million feelings swirl in my chest but the only one that ever makes it through to my head is anger.
Why did Addie have to die and leave a hole in our hearts?
And why did my daughter and I both have to fall for an amazing young woman who’s only pretending to fall for us?
For just a second when J.B. hinted at the idea of a little brother or sister I felt this incredible sense of hope. And then I remembered that none of this is real, and it was like something sucked my soul out of my body.
I hate that J.B.’s so lonely.
I hate that I’m a foolish stereotype of an older man with a wild crush on his assistant.
And I hate that I can’t do the right thing for either of the most important women in my life.
Honestly, I think if I wanted to push Darcy into a real relationship with me I could do it. She’s attracted to me, and on paper I’m a catch. We could fill a house with children and I know I’d be happy,reallyhappy, not just successful.
But last night I spent a lot of time awake in my bed facing the truth. Now that I know what Darcy’s dreams used to look like before me, and that she has family she misses… It feels like I’d be taking away more than I’m offering if I tried to make her my wife for real.
One day she would come to resent me for my selfishness. And when that happened, everything would change. J.B. would wind up resenting me too—and that’s not something I can risk.
I need to face the fact that I just can’t have everything I want. No amount of hard work or money can buy the things that really matter.
I get back to the lodge and try to shake off the dark thoughts as I dismount. The groom at the barn takes Frankincense from me and I slip him a few bills without trusting myself to say a word.
I’m taking measured breaths and pulling myself together to face the girls again when I hear their horses moving down the trail. I’m sure J.B. will still have a lot to say to me.
“Let’s go into town and buy Christmas presents for each other,” J.B. calls out with a smile on her face as they come into sight.
Wow.
Whatever Darcy said to her up there, it worked.
And seeing J.B. feeling better automatically loosenssome of the fury tangled in my chest. We will get through this.
“Sure,” I say. “We can go shopping. Does that sound good, Darcy?”
“Yes,” she replies right away, but her eyes are shining and I can tell she’s been crying.
