Page 3 of Cuffed By Your Love
Not because of what I did, but because of what I allowed toslide.I grabbed the peppermint soap as if it owed me answers and lathered until the scent overpowered the stench of heartbreak. My hands moved in circles, furious motions that felt more like war than comfort. My washcloth had become a weapon, and the battlefield was my body.
I cried quietly. It didn’t sound like tears; it resonated like thunder behind my ribs. “You really let this bitch ass man play in your face… in your house… with your family,” I muttered, dragging the cloth down my arm as if it could erase every memory from under my skin.
There wasn’t enough Dr. Bronner’s in the world to cleanse betrayal that bold. My knees buckled, and I sat right there in the shower, letting the water roll down my back like holy oil—cleansing the sin, or sealing the scar. I couldn’t tell which anymore. My mind kept rewinding, stuck on the image of Kam’s stupid face, wide-eyed and pleading, as if he was the victim.
I really caught him. Bent over. Moaning.With my cousin.
I gagged again, for real this time. I leaned over and heaved nothing but heartbreak and stomach acid into the drain, as if my body was trying to exorcise the demons they left behind. I had loved that man. I trusted him. I had imagined a future with him.
Now all I could picture was his naked body screaming my cousin’s name like it was a song request. Was he gay? Had he always liked taking dicks in his ass? Had he done that with actual men before? Was he into men? Was this some sick fetish?
I finally turned off the water, my body pruned and trembling, my pride washed away down the drain with the peppermint suds.
Wrapped in my towel, I stared at my reflection. My hair was a mess, my edges rebellious, and my eyes puffy and bloodshot. But underneath all that? I was still me. Still Jonay. Still Jeanette’s baby girl. Still that twin sister who always had her siblings’Jonell and Jason’s backs. Still the detention deputy who worked doubles, paid her own bills, and ensured the inmates had decent meals.
Just because a man couldn’t recognize my value didn’t mean it diminished. He didn’t break me; he simply reminded me of the woman I never wanted to be again—the one who accepted less and called it love.
I opened my bathroom drawer, took out my lavender oil, and rubbed it onto my skin like a forcefield of serenity. I massaged shea butter into my thighs, hips, and elbows. Then, I slipped on my softest yellow T-shirt and the largest bonnet I could find—my “I ain’t got time today” one.
And I didn’t. I didn’t have time for heartbreak hangovers, pity parties, or the ghost of Kam’s cries still lingering in my ear. I lit one of my homemade candles—the eucalyptus scent I reserved for moments after emotional battles. Sitting at the edge of my bed with my legs crossed, I hoped like hell that peace would slip under my door like a roommate radiating with good energy.
That was when my phone buzzed.
It was my group chat with my twin, Jonell, and my best friend, Leila.
Jonell :
I already got bond money ready. Who we jumping? We about to pull up!
Leila:
Because I stay with the shits!
Jonell :
PERIODT!
I chuckled, lips curling up slightly.
Then the next message came in.
Daddy :
You on your way? Mama asking for you. I told her you were coming.
Just like that, the weight settled back into my chest, like a rude guest who never knocked. I grabbed my keys, pulled on some sweatpants, and whispered a prayer with shaky confidence.
“Lord, I don’t know what this night is about to bring, but please don’t let it take away what little I have left.”
Jonell and Leila arrived at the same time. Jonell pulled up in her midnight-blue Malibu, while Leila arrived in her black Dodge Charger. It felt like they were double-parked by fate. Jonell had her hair tied up in a velvet bonnet, and her thick, cinnamon thighs were spilling out of her Nike shorts. She radiated an attitude as strong as the heat from a shot of Patrón. She held a bag in one hand and a fierce determination in the other. Leila, dressed entirely in black with her matching Air Force sneakers, made me chuckle. Jonell was a certified crash out behind me, but Leila was always ready to throw down with her wild personality as well and fought like a trained boxer.
Leila declared, “I brought bleach, backup lashes, and that little mini bat from under my bed just in case. Bestie, where Ebony bitch ass at?” she called out while swinging the bat like Harley Quinn, referencing the character from the movieThe Player’s Club.
I let out a sharp breath that could’ve been a laugh if my soul wasn’t still in recovery. I opened the front door fully, still holding onto the doorknob like it was the only thing keeping me upright.
“They’re gone. Both of them,” I muttered, voice rasped from crying and yelling and gagging on the bullshit I walked in on.
Jonell paused in the doorway like she was trying to sense the spirits.
