Page 31 of Bookish Boys Don't Date Social Girls
Bek’s concern makes me feel worse for some reason. I feel like a spoiled princess, but I’ve never been rejected before, and it’s discouraging to learn that I want to be a whiny baby about it instead of a bold warrior. It feels like I’m only a strong,confident female when things are going well for me. That’s disappointing.
I sigh and rub my face with wet hands. “I can never get a read on him when we’re talking. I finally got fed up and decided to just ask him out like I’ve done so many times before.”
“He said no?” Bek whispers.
I nod as I stare out across the yard. The swimming pool lights cast a serene blue glow into the landscaping. It looks so much calmer than I feel. When I look at my friends, Ava looks confused.
“I’m really sorry, Sam. I don’t understand why.”
“The last time I was at the bookstore, I thought we were finally starting to form a connection, so when I ran into him today, and we still got along, I thought it was as good a time as any to try to escalate things.” I shake my head and look out over the pool again. “I guess not.”
“Chris interrupted you guys, didn’t he? Did Brent seem to change his mind after that?” Ava asks.
I think back to when Chris inserted himself into the conversation. Did Brent’s attitude change afterward? “I don’t know. Like I said, Brent doesn’t really show his feelings.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Ava stares up toward the sky. “He never seemed perturbed with me, even when I almost burned the classroom down.”
Bek stares up at the night sky, too, like maybe one of us will find an answer spelled out in the stars. “I think you should ask him why.”
I blow out a puff of air. “That’s an awkward conversation. Especially since I’d have to go into the bookstore for no reason to initiate it.” The section of books labeled ROMANCE flashes in my head, and I realize I now have a legitimate reason to visit a bookstore.
“Remember, he doesn’t have to know if you have a reasonto be there or not,” Bek reminds me. “Grab a magazine, order a coffee, and ask him if he said no because he has a girlfriend.”
My mouth hangs agape as I stare at my fairy-like friend. I see that Ava is staring too.
“Sometimes, Bek, you are so astute,” Ava says.
Bek lifts her head, and her gaze floats between the two of us. “And yet it surprises you every time.”
Ava chuckles nervously. “Yeah. Guess that’s rude. Sorry.”
“Yeah, sorry, Bek.” I grimace and let my head fall back against the jacuzzi. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just stay single for a while. It isn’t terrible spending Saturday night with you two.”
“You don’t miss dating?” Ava asks. “You always seem to enjoy it.”
“I do. But I’ve learned that I enjoy time to myself too.” A contented smile curves my lips and I close my eyes. “Being alone isn’t horrible.”
“Really? That seems so…” When Ava pauses, I crack an eye open to see what she’s going to say. “Uncharacteristic.”
I shift up in my seat and rest my arms along the edge of the hot tub. The night air cools my wet skin. “With Bridget gone now and you two working this summer, it’s really the first time I’ve had an opportunity to spend time alone. I guess…” I purse my lips, trying to figure out how to say what I feel. “I think maybe, I’ve always kept busy because it’s what my parents do. They either work or they’re out, basically. Their schedules are so booked that Ines needs to give them at least a two-week notice for all wedding-related appointments. And even then, they shift things around to fit it in.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” Bek says. “Your parents are so rarely here.”
“I’m not positive,” I continue. “But I think that’s why I started my two-date rule. Keep things light. Never get too attached. Break it off beforethings get physical.” I shrug. “But I think I want more out of my time than that. I think I want to find a long-term relationship.”
Ava frowns. “Isn’t that what you’ve been looking for this whole time? I thought the two dates was to judge for compatibility.”
I think about my series of dates. Especially the most recent ones, and none of them had a hint of a personality that I would want to commit to long-term. I shake my head. “I don’t know when I stopped looking for someone I might want to date forever and started picking guys I knew would never make it past a second date. It became habit without me even knowing.”
I’m feeling overheated, whether from the water or the conversation, I’m not sure. I wade across the hot tub to sit on a taller seat. It’s actually the foot end of a built-in reclining seat, but it works well when I can’t handle being submerged in the steamy water anymore.
“Why don’t you just go back to looking for guys that have boyfriend potential, then?” Ava asks. She’s squinting like she knows there’s something more and she’s trying to dig it out of me.
I look up at the starlit sky. On a clear night like this, the endless darkness dotted by pinpricks of light makes me feel puny and insignificant. Even more so now that I feel shallow as well. I nod. That’s my problem. I feel shallow. I twist my lips in thought as I look between my friends. They’re totally focused on me. Both awaiting my response. Thank goodness for these two whose love won’t let me follow the spiral of thoughts my mind wants to send me on about how inconsequential I truly am. “I overheard David’s brother say something today that I didn’t like.”
The girls wait quietly for me to continue. I’m afraid to say it out loud. Like maybe my mentioning it will make my friends realize the truth about me that they’ve overlooked thiswhole time. They’ve never turned their backs on me before. Why would I worry about them suddenly abandoning me over a misunderstanding? My heart races with anticipation and I want to forget I brought it up and change the subject completely. I slip my hands under my thighs and lean forward so that my hair becomes a curtain around me. “He asked Joel if he was dating me. When Joel said no, he said he’d heard that I get around. The worst part was the gleam in his eye when he said it.” I swallow. “Like I’m a sure thing.”
I blink tears away before they can see them. My skin is flushed with heat, and I don’t think it is only because I’m sitting in a hot tub.
