Page 45 of The Vacation Mix-Up
“What she do? Fuck your best friend?”
“Ben,” I warn.
“My cousin’s wife did that.”
“No. She didn’t fuck my best friend.”
Close enough though.
“Nice women don’t exist,” he says, tilting his empty glass. “They’re all ‘get away from me’ until I tell ’em I’m loaded. Then they’re all ‘yes, Horse, yes.’”
I massage my forehead, an idiot-induced headache forming.
“So I take what I want,” he continues, “and they get what they want. Win-win.”
“Doesn’t sound like a win-win to me.”
“Don’t really have a choice, do I? I’ve never met a real nice woman who digs me for me. They only ever dig for my gold.”
“That’s because you’re offering your gold to be dug, and because you’re scaring therealnice ones off with your inappropriatemouth.”
“My mouth isn’t inappropriate.”
I raise a brow at him.
“You’re right. It is.” He smirks, then orders another two pints.
“Nah.” I hold up my hand in protest. “Not for me. Got shit to do.”
Other than buy Poppy a stuffed moose toy and get Riles some earplugs, I plan to go for a walk along the waterfront and then head back to the ship. It’s only day two of the cruise, and I don’t intend to spend it with a hangover.
“Come on, just one more. Don’t be a pussy.”
Rubbing my beard, I give in to the poor fucker. “One.”
He grins. “So, why’d hot stuff run away at the church?”
“Riley?”
“Yeah.”
“Probably because you mentioned blowjobs.”
He dismisses my valid point. “I doubt it. She’s an adult. Plus, I was talking about Blow Jobs, as in the shots. You know that.”
“But she didn’t. Either way, it was inappropriate, Ben.”
“She a prude?”
“No. I don’t think so. But that’s not the point. There’s a time and a place to talk about blowjobs. And with someone you don’t know, especially in public in front of a place of worship, is neither that time nor place.”
We’re served our next round of beer, and both of us drink as a patron gets rowdy over a game of baseball on the TV.
“She’s gotta be a prude,” Ben says, deflecting the blame. “Such a fucking shamethatis.” He sets his glass back on the coaster. “Great legs!”
I agree but keep it to myself.
Ben grows silent for a moment, then says, “You think if I don’t mention blowjobs again, I’ll have a chance with her?”
