Page 60 of Unspoken Words
She shook her head.
“He’s so talented, Mum, and I don’t want to be a distraction. I don’t want his love for me to overshadow what he needs to accomplish now, and I certainly don’t want him to settle just for me. I’d never forgive myself if he made choices now that he’d later regret and all for wanting to be withme.”
“That’s all very admirable, but have you thought that this Ellie/Connor black-out period could be having the same disastrous effect? That he may not be thinking about his study at all because he’s so distraught over losing you?”
“He hasn’t lost me.”
“Does he know that?”
“I …” I paused, my heart all of a sudden heavier. “I don’t know. He should. Why? Do you know something?”
She diverted her gaze and started cleaning food scraps into the bin.
“Mum! Do you know something?”
“Raelene said she practically begged him to ask you to his Year-twelve Formal, but he refused because it wasn’t what you wanted.”
My stomach sank.
“She told him he had to go or she’d confiscate his car.”
I swirled my spoon again. “That’s a bit harsh.”
“She was desperate. Apparently, he barely leaves the house anymore, and she thinks he’s stopped playing the guitar.”
“WHAT?”
Mum nodded.
“No! No, no, noooo.” Tears stung my eyes. “He can’t stop playing. It’s a part of him. And whether he knows it or not, it helps him breathe.”
“I’m sure it does, sweetie, but all I know is that Raelene and Curtis are very concerned.”
I wanted to storm over to his house and punch him, to tell him to stop being so stupid and play his guitar, to reassure him that our ‘breather’ wouldn’t last forever. I wanted to hug him, kiss him, and comb my fingers through his hair. I wanted … “So is he going to his formal?” I grouched, changing the subject so that I wouldn’t get up from my seat and do all those things I wanted to do.
“Yes.”
“Good.”
Mum stopped wiping the bench, her eye twitching.
“What?”
“You might think differently after what I say next.”
“Whyyyyy?”
“Because he’s going with Lilah, and because the venue Greenhills had booked sustained water damage after a pipe burst, and now both formals have been merged and are to be held at Eastside.”
Bile rose to my throat. “What?”
“It was the only thing your father could organise in time to save cancelling their formal.” Mum’s smile was sympathetic.
Of all things to happen, and of all people he could go with why did he have to go with her? I closed my eyes and willed the sickly feeling in my stomach to go away. “It doesn’t matter,” I choked out. “And Connor can go with whomever he wants, as long as he goes.”
The best lies were the ones we told ourselves; we controlled the bullshit and deceit. We controlled the hurt, and I wasn’t going to allow this to hurt me.
“What about your formal, sweetie? You are going, right?”
