Page 185 of Unspoken Words
“Visit?” A vast emptiness near swallowed me whole. I wanted her back. Now.
“Yes, baby,” Connor said, taking my hand in his. “Christina was only visiting. Today was her first time.”
“But … she needs me. I’m her mum.”
“While you were asleep, I went back with her to the NICU. The nurses were really happy with her visit. They said she could come back again tomorrow.”
“Or maybe I could go to her instead…?”
“Let’s not move too quickly, Ellie.” Dr Webb dragged a chair closer to my bed and sat down. “I’m afraid that what I have to tell you is not good news.”
Connor took a seat as well and pressed my hand to his lips, his warmth and presence soothing and protective.
“You suffered another heart attack right before your baby was born. Unfortunately, scans show the thickening of the myocardium of your left ventricle has increased considerably. The damage is extensive.”
“Okay. So what do we do now? What does that mean?” Connor asked.
“It means that implantation of an AICD is no longer an achievable treatment. The risk of heart failure during surgery is too high.” He laid my chart on his lap and glanced down at his entwined hands before looking back up again, his eyes sad but professional. “Your only option now is a heart transplant.”
His voice lacked optimism, so I knew instantly that he had more to say.
“But…?” I asked.
“Yes, there is a but. The wait for a viable heart isn’t promising, and considering the current condition of yours, it means you’re at risk of further arrest at any moment. If that happens, successful resuscitation is unlikely.”
Connor shook his head and closed his eyes for the smallest of seconds. “So you’re saying that if we don’t get her a new heart as soon as possible, she’ll die?”
He nodded. “The damage is just … it’s too extensive.”
Connor stood up, his frame towering over us. “THEN GET HER A NEW HEART.”
“It’s not as simple as that—”
“DON’T FUCKING TELL ME IT’S NOT THAT SIMPLE. IT IS. IT’S GOT TO BE.”
“Connor.”
He ignored me, turned around, and plowed his fist into the wall, plaster splintering and cracking under the force.
“Connor,” I said, my voice barely audible.
“You need to calm down, Mr Bourke. This is exactly what Ellie doesn’t need.”
Connor turned to face me, his eyes red, teeth clenched. The muscles and veins in his neck were tense, and he looked about ready to tear the place down. If my heart wasn’t already broken beyond repair, the sight of him in so much pain would’ve annihilated it.
Reaching out my hand, I beckoned him. “Come here.”
He burst into tears and dropped to his knees by my bed, his head buried into my lap.
“Dr Webb,” I said calmly. “Can you please leave us?”
He stood up, his expression just as pained. “I know this wasn’t what you wanted to hear. But we will take every measure that we can to keep you stable while you wait for a new heart.”
I believed him, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was comforting my husband and preparing him for when the time came to say goodbye.
And it would come; it was just a matter of when.
Chapter Forty-Seven
