Page 78 of Unspoken Words
“I’m fine. Honestly. I’ve two amazing placement offers. It doesn’t get any better than that, right?”
As I closed the door behind me and made my way down the driveway, my smile slipped when I noticed Connor’s car parked out front, his silhouette in the driver’s seat.
I paused, not knowing whether I was ready to face him. It had been nearly two months.Don’t be stupid, Ellie. You were friends before you were lovers. And you’re an adult now. You can do this.
Drawing in a deep breath, I walked up to the passenger side door and squatted to peer through the open window. “What are you doing here?”
He glanced over at me, his red-rimmed eyes lifeless. Fear shot through me faster than any bullet ever could, and I opened the door and sat down. “Connor? What’s happened?”
Never had there been a time I wanted his words and yet didn’t want them, because I knew from the look on his face that they would be the worst I’d ever hear.
“Drive with me?” he asked.
I nodded and closed the door.
We drove in silence to a small car park atop a hill overlooking the local water catchment. I’d never been to the well-hidden spot but knew from Chris’s many detailed ‘parking’ stories—stories I’d tried hard to quash by blocking my ears—that it existed as a popular hangout spot for kids our age.
Empty chip packets and beer bottles littered the asphalt, and my nerves heightened with unease as to why he’d brought me here of all places. It was disgusting and deserted.
“Connor, you’re worrying me. Can you please just tell me what’s wrong so we can leave?”
“That’s exactly why I don’t want to tell you,” he said, bursting into tears. He gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles white, and shook it with force. “FUCK!”
I jumped in my seat, my heart galloping in my chest. “Connor, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”
Not once in the six years I’d known him had I seen him this distraught, and he’d had plenty of reasons during that time to break down and crumble in the way he was.
He shook the steering wheel some more and cried even harder before just stopping, the tension in the air, terrifying. My chest constricted, and I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him, hold him tight and take away his pain, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready to reopen my broken heart to the boy who would always own it.
Reaching out, I touched his shoulder instead. “It’s okay. You can tell me—”
“She’s pregnant,” he said, his voice devoid of all emotion. He turned in my direction, his skin ashen, his eyes bleak.
I froze. “Who?”
“Lilah.”
Every last bit of air within my lungs whooshed out of me, and I faced forward and clutched my chest. My heart seized, my throat closed. I reached for the door handle, my fingers fumbling as they tried to get it open.
“Ellie, she’s having my baby.”
“STOP!” I yelled, finally opening the door and stumbling out. “Just stop talking.”
I’d taken only a few steps before I felt his arms encase me. “I’m so sorry, baby. I fucked up and I can’t change it. I can’t fix it or make it go away.” He began to cry and held me tighter.
I fell limp and couldn’t speak, couldn’t find the words, didn’t want to find the words because no words would right our wrong no matter how much we wanted them to. Connor and I were done. Finished. Never to be again. And for the first time in my life, I realised words weren’t the answer—nothing was.
“Let me go,” I said, my voice near lifeless.
Connor released me, and I stepped away, holding my hand up to keep him at bay. “THIS IS ALL YOUR—” I stopped myself from screaming at him. There was no point. I had no scream or energy left. “You …youdid this to us.”
“I know.” He scrubbed his face. “I’m going to be there for her and our baby. I have to, Ellie. I have no choice.”
Nodding, because that’s all I could give him, I walked back to the car and opened the door. “Can you please take me home now.”
“Ellie, I’m—”
I didn’t allow him to finish what he was saying, instead climbed into the car and closed the door. My stomach churned with nausea, and I wasn’t certain I could stop myself from throwing up.
