Page 77 of Unspoken Words
I turnedeighteen during theweeks that passed, the only birthday I’d ever had without colour. My theme was black and grey, no white. And I’d celebrated by ignoring my university placement letter, which was attached to the refrigerator and remained unopened much to Mum and Dad’s displeasure. I’d also ignored the notes Connor had left in our letterbox:
I don’t want to miss a second of your time.
and
I will wait here for all of this life.
Until there was one I couldn’t help but reply to.
You’re my ever after.
I’d written:
Oh yeah? For how long?
He didn’t leave me any more notes after that.
Ever after was supposed to be definitive but, clearly, ours had an expiry date, and that was why I decided to no longer put off the inevitable and just open my placement letter. The next step of my life would go on with or without him, and I needed to take that step whether I wanted to or not.
“Just tear it open, sweetie.” Mum hovered over my shoulder, her presence adding to the weight already balancing there. “Like a birthday present.” She made a tearing sound right beside my ear.
I used my hand as a shield. “Okay okay.”
“Give her some space, Beth,” Dad said. He was standing by the window, shirtsleeves rolled up over crossed arms, his anxiety no less palpable.
Blocking them both out, I slid my finger under the paper of the envelope and tore it open, pulling the letter out and unfolding it to read what I already expected.
“Northern College of the Arts,” I announced, excitement and dread washing over me all at once.
It was a strange sensation, like having a fear of heights and yet cliff-diving into a beautiful, cool pool on a scorching hot day. You know the reward. You just have to take a leap to experience it.
“Which one is that?” Mum asked, her eyes searching Dad’s and then mine, mine and then Dad’s.
“It’s the one in Darwin. The one I wanted.” I tried to sound excited but, truth be told, I was terrified.
Joy fled Mum’s face for the quickest of moments before returning, less vibrant but no less proud. “That’s wonderful, Eloise. Congratulations. I’m so proud of you.” She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and began to cry.
“Thanks, Mum, but please don’t cry,” I said, shrugging free and standing up. “You haven’t gotten rid of me yet.” I folded the letter and placed it on the dining room table.
Dad stepped forward and picked it up. “What do you mean?”
“I also got accepted into Deakin Uni, here in Melbourne. It’s a good course. I’d be stupid not to consider it.”
“But I thought you said the one in Darwin was your first preference.”
“It was.”
Mum twisted my shoulders, angling my body toward her. “Was?”
“Is.”
“Then what’s stopping you?”
“Nothing. I just haven’t decided what I’m doing yet.”
The room fell silent, so I kissed them both on the cheek and took the letter from Dad. “I’m going for a walk, okay?”
They both gave each other the I’m-not-sure-about-this look that only parents could give.
