Page 167 of Unspoken Words
Dragging my chair closer to her bed, I took hold of her hand and pressed it to my lips. “Of course I know. I see it in your eyes every time you look at me, and it breaks my heart.”
“What if I don’t survive?” she sobbed. “What if Christina doesn’t—”
“She will. You both will.”
“But we don’t know that, Connor. And we can’t keep ignoring it. We can’t keep pushing aside what might be.”
I bowed my head and let my tears fall to the bed.
“All I want is to marry you and give birth to our beautiful little girl. I want to hold her, see her grow … be a family. That’s all I want and I might not get any of it.”
Warmth settled over my body, and I looked up at the only woman I’ve ever loved and would ever love. The only woman I’ve ever wanted to marry andwouldmarry. And just as I was about to tell her I’d give her everything she’s ever wanted, Beth, Roger, and Chris entered the room.
“How are you feeling, sweethear—?” Beth’s face drooped when her eyes landed on Ellie, but she quickly plastered on a smile instead.
I stood up, gave Beth my seat, and walked to the window, taking a moment to pull myself together when I felt a hand land on my shoulder.
“How ‘bout you?” Chris asked, his voice low.
I gestured with my head that he meet me outside in the corridor. “Coffee anyone?”
Beth shook her head. “No thanks, dear. We’ve just had lunch.”
“Yes,” Ellie demanded. “Withthreesugars.”
I winked at her. “That I can do.”
“I’ll give you a hand,” Chris said.
We both left the room and headed along the corridor to the tearoom. A few of the nurses, who’d become like family over the past nine months, smiled and gave us a friendly wave in passing.
“Suddenly, I feel sick. I wonder if she’ll take my temperature.” Chris’s eyes landed on Nurse Bobbie.
“You’re not her type.”
“What? I’m everyone’s type.”
“Try telling her girlfriend that.”
“Fuck. Then again, maybe they’ll let me join them.”
I chuckled, shook my head, and entered the tearoom. Thankfully, it was empty. “I need your help,” I said, turning to face him.
“I gathered that. What’s up?”
“I want to marry Ellie, here in the hospital.”
“What?” He pivoted and gave the lemon-coloured walls and grey linoleum a dirty look. “Here?”
“Yes. In the garden. As soon as possible.”
“Why not wait until after the baby is born and have a proper wedding?”
Leaning against the cupboard, I ran my hands over my face. “Because Ellie is scared she won’t survive the birth.”
“That’s ridicu—”
“IS IT?” I yelled, tears once again burning my eyes. “Once upon a time, I chose to ignore the fact that someone I loved was dying. I didn’t want to accept it and instead pretended it wasn’t happening. I didn’t ask him what he wanted. Didn’t do anything special or worth remembering. And then he died and it was too late. I’m not doing that again, Chris. I’m not going to pretend that everything is okay when it’s not. Ellie deserves more than that. She deserves everything I can give her, and I can give her a wedding.”
