Page 140 of Pretend You Love Me
Vivi is buzzing around with MarryMe at their heels, drunk on excitement. It’s a joy to watch her squeal with delight as she opens gifts. I catch a glimpse of Kip in the corner. There’s a warm smile spread across his face as he watches the scene unfold.
After what feels like hours of opening gifts, we eat lunch and then crash on the couches, everyone still in their pajamas. Someone puts onElfand a few people start a quiet game of dominoes in the corner. Snow falls outside. I notice Kip slip onto the porch, and I decide to follow him. I pull on my boots and coat and step outside. He’s standing on the porch, hands on the rails, looking out over the winter wonderland below.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I take my place beside him. The mountains tower in the background, snow covered trees stand in front.
He inhales slowly. “Yeah. It is.”
There’s a brightness in my heart, and I realize I’m glad he’s here. My anger toward him has thawed over the last few days.
“What do you normally do for Christmas?” I ask. I place my hands on the railing, our pinkies are nearly touching.
He snorts. “Not much the last few years.”
“Are you alone?”
“Me and Blue.”
The brightness in my chest dims as I think about him all alone on Christmas, how I almost sent him away to spend Christmas alone.
“Things were different before Mom died.” He’s still staring straight ahead.
I slide my hand over just an inch until it brushes up against his. He looks down. I lean toward him until our shoulders touch. His breathing hitches as soon as he feels me against his arm.
Before I can think this through, I move toward him.
I don’t want to think this through. I don’t want to consider how stupid I’m being.
I raise my hand to his face. He turns his head to look at me, and I kiss him before I lose the courage. He jerks back a little, he’s so taken by surprise, but soon both his hands are on me. One cupping the back of my head pulling me deeper into the kiss. There’s a stirring in my core, heat growing between my legs. I want to stumble back inside and drag him down to the basement right now.
He pulls back, breaking the kiss. I’m panting with desire and anticipation. I just lock eyes with him. Both of our chests rising and falling in unison.
“We...we need to talk about everything,” he says, his gaze drifting to my lips and then jerking back up to my eyes. I know he wants me despite what he’s saying. There’s a fire in his eyes right now that doesn’t match the tone of his voice.
“We really need to talk,” he repeats.
“Kip...” I sigh. “I really don’t want to.”
He takes a step back from me. “It’s Christmas. It’s not time, but soon. We need to talk soon.”
I’m about to reach for him again when he takes another step back and then slips into the door without another word.
My eyes follow him all afternoon. I can still feel his lips on mine, his tongue in my mouth. I’m tingling all over remembering his touch, the pull of his body. He’s avoiding me now, and I’m like a magnet getting sucked toward him. My body aches for him, my willpower nonexistent. I can’t focus on anything else, but the desire that’s overwhelming me.
The rest of the day passes in a blur. My eyes stay glued to him. After dinner, we all settle into the living room by the fireplace. No games tonight, just stories and memories. I’m curled up next to Juno, but I want to be curled up next to Kip.
I’m watching him across the room. The light from the fireplace is dancing across his face. I’ve never been more attracted to anyone in my whole life. When he excuses himself for the evening, my eyes linger on him as he leaves the room.
“My thoughts exactly,” Juno says, following my gaze.
I blush.
“I’m not sure why you aren’t together, but it must be something big because damn, that’s a beautiful man.”
“Well, attraction isn’t everything.”
“He seems like a nice guy too,” she says.
I don’t answer.
