Page 93 of Emma
The staffroom was loud,almost rowdy, with that familiar end-of-week hype, but Vanessa barely heard a word her colleagues were saying. They filtered in and out, snatching biscuits and complaining about paperwork, while debating weekend plans. She sat in the corner of the room, her USB loaded with assignments she had to mark this weekend, but she found it hard to concentrate. In the last twenty minutes, she’d stared at the wall, smiling whenever someone passed her by. Her knee repeatedly bounced, betraying the nerves she was trying hard to suppress. Vanessa didn’t do nervous.
Not like this.
She hated that feeling of being out of control. Normally, she was the one who kept her head when everyone else lost theirs. But today wasn’t about a classroom observation or a difficult parent email. Today was about Freya. About Emma walking her through their front door for the first time.
The thought alone made Vanessa’s stomach lurch. She wanted everything to go perfectly, not only for Emma’s sake, but for Freya’s, too. She’d been telling herself for days that it didn’t matter what she thought—that the only thing that mattered was the two of them finding some sort of footing with one another—but still, she couldn’t shake the worry that she might somehow tip the balance. Or try too hard…or not try hard enough.
“Oh, get a grip.” She pressed the tips of her fingers to her temple and muttered under her breath.
She needed advice. Before she could second-guess it, Vanessa reached into her bag for her phone, found Lauren’s name, and hit call.
It rang twice before Lauren picked up. “Mum?”
“Hi, love. Are you busy?” Vanessa tried to keep her voice casual, but she doubted she’d managed it.
“Not really. Just sorting Daisy some lunch. She’s actually sitting on the couch watching cartoons right now, so you’ve got me for a bit.” Lauren paused. “You don’t sound yourself. You sound a bit stressed.”
Vanessa let out a dry laugh. “I’m fine. Just…you know what today is.”
“Yeah.” Lauren’s voice softened instantly. “Freya’s coming.”
“She is.” Vanessa rubbed her thumb along the hem of her skirt, swallowing down the fear. “I called to vent so Emma doesn’t see me flapping about it. She’s nervous enough herself. I’m supposed to be the calm one. The voice of reason. Only I feel like my stomach’s about to tie itself into a knot and stay there permanently.”
“Mum.” Lauren’s tone carried that blend of sympathy and exasperation only she could pull off. “Of course you’re nervous. This is huge. But don’t make it into something it’s not. You don’t need to prove anything to Freya. Just be you. The rest will follow.”
Vanessa pinched the bridge of her nose. “Easier said than done.”
“Maybe. But think about it. Emma’s already done the heavy lifting. Freya wants this. She wants to come over. If she didn’t, she’d have said no, right?”
Vanessa let that sink in. “I suppose.”
“You don’t suppose, youknow. And Emma knows how much you love her. She knows you’ll be there tonight, no matter what. That’s what counts.”
There was a rustle on Lauren’s end of the line, followed by a faint whine. “And Daisy?” Vanessa asked. “How’s she doing? Still got a temp?”
“She’s perked up a bit today. No temp when I checked an hour ago, just a little clingy. I’ll keep an eye on her, but she’s already eaten more than yesterday.”
Vanessa’s shoulders loosened enough to make her feel less tense. “Good. I hate not being around when she’s not herself.”
“I know.” Lauren’s voice softened again. “But she’ll be fine, and you’ll be fine tonight, too. Honestly, I think you’re overthinking it.”
“Overthinking seems to be my specialty lately.”
Lauren laughed. “Then consider this me telling you to knock it off. Just be normal.Show herwhat your normal is. Everything else will fall into place.”
Vanessa closed her eyes, taking in her daughter’s steady reassurance. Considering Vanessa was supposed to be the mother, there were days like this when Lauren felt every bit the anchor that Vanessa used to be for her. “Thank you, love.”
“Any time.”
They said their goodbyes, and Vanessa sat staring at her phone for a moment before pulling up her messages. She hesitated, then typed a quick message out to Emma.
Running a little late. Meeting overran. Dinner’s prepped though and just needs putting in the oven when you get home.
Vanessa felt immediate guilt tugging at her. Therewasno meeting, not really. Just her, sat in the staffroom with her nervestwisting themselves into a mess. But Emma didn’t need to know that. She didn’t need her wife’s panic added to her own.
Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it. We’ll see you when we see you.
Vanessa breathed out a sigh of relief at Emma’s easy reply. Of course Emma hadn’t questioned it. Of course she hadn’t pushed. That was the thing about her wife. She trusted Vanessa implicitly, never second-guessing her word. But that only made the lie sit heavier on Vanessa’s tongue. Still, for now, she told herself it was for the right reasons. Emma needed her steady and composed, not unravelling at the mere sight of Freya sitting on their couch.
