Page 81 of Emma
“You’ve been careful from the start, Emma. You’ve listened, you’ve taken everything on board, and you’ve done everything by the book. You’re not in this to make yourself feel better. You’re in it for Freya. That’s what matters and that’s what people are starting to realise.”
“She asked if I ever planned to adopt Freya or try to take custody of her.”
Vanessa wasn’t sure she wanted to know what Emma had said in response. It hadn’t been something they’d talked about, but Emma was good at masking and hiding her true feelings when she wanted to. “And what did you say?”
“I told her she had nothing to worry about.”
“Good. That’s good.”
Emma tilted her head up and met Vanessa’s gaze. “Did you think it was something I’d thought about?”
“Until you mentioned it just now, no.Isit something you’ve thought about?”
“If Freya seemed unhappy, then it’s something I’d consider, but she doesn’t. She wants to call them her parents, babe. That’s huge for a kid who has been through a shitty childhood.” Emma lifted Vanessa’s hand and kissed her knuckles. “Carmen and Ben take great care of her; they love her, and to be honest…she has better things than most of the kids in the school. She’s alwaysturned out great, her uniform is impeccable, and she’s happy where she is. Why would I ever want to change that?”
“God, I’m so proud to call you my wife.”
Emma laughed. “You keep saying that.”
“Because it’ll always be true.”
Emma shifted onto her side and curled against Vanessa. These were the moments Vanessa clung onto when life felt uncertain around them, but tonight, she didn’t feel a hint of uncertainty. Carmen had been open to Emma and the meeting, and in turn, the weight continued to lift from Emma with each passing second.
“I think I’m ready to write back to her now.” Emma tightened her grip on Vanessa’s waist and nuzzled into her shoulder. “When I’ve finished cuddling you, anyway.”
“Tonight?”
Emma nodded. “Yeah. Tonight.”
Vanessa squeezed her hand again, silently promising to be right there through all of it. Because whatever came next—whatever twists this new chapter in their life took—she knew they’d face it the same way they always did.Together.
Emma satat the dining table, laptop open in front of her, rereading Freya’s email for the millionth time since she’d received it. In fact, she knew it so well now that she could quote half of it without even looking. Every line still sat heavy in her chest, especially the ones that made her feel like a knife had been dragged through her heart.
Was it because I cried? Did you never want a sister?
Emma pressed her palms to her eyes and exhaled. She didn’t want to get this wrong. Freya deserved more than a clumsyjumble of words that made no sense, but at the same time, Emma knew waiting too long to respond wasn’t fair either. Freya had been brave enough to tell her the truth, and now she needed to know Emma’s.
“Baby?” Vanessa’s voice floated in from the living room. Had she sensed Emma’s hesitation? Probably. They were in tune like that. “How’s it going?”
Emma twisted in her chair, half-smiling at her wife leaning against the doorframe, glass of wine in her hand. “I’m trying. It’s just…how do I tell a twelve-year-old that for most of her life she’s been fed lies without it sounding like I’m trying to lay the blame elsewhere?”
Vanessa moved closer, pressed a kiss to the top of Emma’s head, and rested a hand on her shoulder. “You’re not laying the blame, and you’re not trying to convince her of anything. You’re simply giving her your truth. Something she’s asked for. Just let her know that she’s safe with you, no matter what’s been said in the past.”
Emma nodded, a lump forming in her throat as she reached for Vanessa’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Vanessa leaned down and kissed Emma, lingering as she cupped her cheek, and whispered, “You’ve got this.” And then Vanessa left the kitchen, giving Emma the space she needed to figure it all out in her head.
Emma stared at the screen again, rolling her shoulders back. She thought about Freya’s laugh in the corridor that day at school. She thought about how bright her eyes had been when she’d said she wanted Emma to call her ‘Freya’ in a sister voice. That was enough.Thatwas the anchor.
Her fingers hovered above the keys. And then she started typing.
Hi,Freya.
Thanks for writing back to me so quickly. You’re probably a whizz on computers. Maybe you could show me where I’m going wrong in the future when I stare at the screen, not knowing what I’m doing.
You’re right. Cats are absolutely judgy. We keep talking about getting a dog, so maybe that’s something you could help me out with if the time ever comes to add to the household. They’re better for cuddles. I’m sure of it.
Now, I wanted to talk to you about something important that you mentioned. You said Jane told you I left because I hated you all, and I need you to hear me when I tell you that I’ve never once said anything of the kind. It’s not even close to the truth. How could I ever hate my little sister? The truth is that I never knew about you. You came into the world after I’d left home and moved away. Because I no longer had a relationship with Jane and Will, they never told me about you. If I had known, I never would have cut contact with them. I’d have been there for you. For anything you could have ever needed. I don’t hate you. Not then, not now, not ever.
