Page 70 of Emma
Emma was about to start a round of teasing when her phone buzzed from where it had been abandoned on the coffee table.
“Give me a sec and then I’m all yours.” She reached for it as the screen lit up, and then her eyes landed on the email and the subject line.Your new little sister.
Emma’s breath caught. “Babe.”
“What?” Vanessa suddenly froze where she rested between Emma’s legs. “Is it Freya?”
Emma nodded slowly. “I…it’s her.”
“Right, okay.” Vanessa pushed up off Emma and sat back on the couch. “Open it.”
Emma swallowed and opened it, the familiar weight of nerves and excitement flooding her entire body as the email filled the screen.
Hi, Emma.
Thanks so much for your email. I was nervous when you and Nia told me you’d be writing to me, but when I got your email, I was actually excited. Thanks for making it easy for me to read and understand. It wasn’t awkward at all.
You asked about pets. I prefer dogs. They’re cuddly. The cat Carmen and Ben had when I came to live with them used to fling everything off the mantelpiece, and cats can be dead judgy.
I really love playing netball. I always wanted to be part of a team and now I am. That’s really great for me because I’ve never been cool before. I think you made me feel cooler by telling me I was good at it. I don’t have much self-confidence.
I always wished I had a sister. My friends by my old house used to have sisters and brothers that helped them out if they fell over in the street, but I had nobody. My old mum used to tell me that you left home because you hated us all, but I must have been a small baby when you said those things because I don’t remember you living in my old house with me. Was it because I cried? Did you never want a sister?
When you said at the start that you didn’t think we were related, it made me feel weird, but I understood. You didn’t like me when I was little, so I guessed you still didn’t like me now that I’m older. Did you say that because you still didn’t want me to be your sister but now you’ve changed your mind? Do you not hate me anymore because I’m not small?
I’m really excited for you to email me again. I never get any emails.
Love your sister.
Freya.
Emma hadn’t realised she’d been holding her breath until she reached the end of the email. Her chest ached with the force of it, her heart thudding so hard she felt light-headed. The words on the screen blurred and sharpened, then blurred again, as though her eyes couldn’t decide whether to cry or fight it all back.
She read it again. And then a third time, only slower, each sentence cutting through her a little more.
My old mum used to tell me you left home because you hated us all. Was it because I cried? Did you never want a sister? Do you not hate me anymore because I’m not small?
Emma’s thumb hovered over the screen as if she could smooth the words away and rewrite them, aiming to undo the fact they’d ever been typed out in the first place.
“Emma?” Vanessa’s voice was soft as her hand closed gently over Emma’s knee.
Emma blinked, the sound of her name grounding her enough to finally look up. She felt her voice cracking before she’d even spoken. “S-she thought I hated her. That’s what she’s believed her whole life.”
Vanessa’s brows drew together as she took the phone from Emma. She scanned the message, her face unreadable except for the faint tightening around her eyes. When she was finished, she set the phone down on the coffee table and pulled Emma into her arms without hesitation.
Emma folded herself into Vanessa the way she always did when the world felt too heavy. “She was just a baby, Vanessa. A baby. She thinks I left because I didn’t want her.”
Vanessa’s arms tightened around Emma. “You didn’t know she existed. You couldn’t have left her.”
“But she doesn’t know that.” Emma’s voice broke completely, muffled against Vanessa’s shoulder. “She’s been carrying that around for so many years. Thinking I just didn’t want her. That I didn’t like her because she cried. T-that I…hated her.”
Vanessa rubbed slow circles between her shoulder blades. “She’s telling you now because she wants the truth from you. That’s a good thing. This is her opening the door.”
Emma drew back as tears spilled freely down her face. “You know I’ve hated my mum for a long time… Well, now I hate her so much fucking more.” Emma clenched her jaw. “How dare she tell Freya lies about me! How dare she even say my fucking name!”
“Baby.”
“And now Freya is asking if I’ve changed my mind as though she still has to earn the right to be my sister. I just…I don’t even know how to respond to that email. I don’t know if I can.”
