Page 67 of Emma
“You are,” Vanessa said as she drew back and smiled. “And you’re gentle. And you’ve got this big, stubborn heart that just wants to love people. She felt that today.”
Emma exhaled. “I just didn’t want to mess it up. IhopeI didn’t mess it up.”
“You didn’t.” Vanessa sat back, still holding Emma’s hand. “You didexactlywhat she needed. You didn’t force anything. You gave her a little space, but a little invitation.”
“She’s amazing, you know. Confident but quiet. Thoughtful. She’s got this smart-arse edge sometimes that reminds me of me.”
Vanessa grinned. “God help us all if there’s two of you.”
Emma laughed as she relaxed back onto the couch with Vanessa. They fell silent, and Vanessa took the opportunity to remind herself of what this home meant to them. The love it held, the opportunity, the vulnerability. Vanessa wouldn’t want to be anywhere else tonight.
“So, when are you going to write to her?”
“Tomorrow,” Emma said. “When I get home from work, I’m going to spend a couple of hours focusing. I think I know what I want to say.”
“Do you want any help with it?” Vanessa stroked her fingertips up Emma’s arm through her hoodie. “You know I’ll help in any way I can.”
“No. I think I need to do this bit on my own. Thanks, though.”
Vanessa nodded, that familiar pride for her wife blooming inside of her. “You’ll be brilliant.”
“I just…want to be enough,” Emma whispered. “That’s all I care about right now. Being enough for her.”
“You already are.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Emma satcross-legged at the dining table with her laptop open, the cursor blinking at the top of an empty email. She’d been staring at it for at least fifteen minutes, her fingers poised over the keys, but nothing had made it from her head to the screen.She knew what she wanted to say…sort of. She just didn’t know how to say it without overthinking every word.
The smell of coffee drifted across from the kitchen, where Vanessa was rinsing out mugs. The soft clink of ceramic against the draining board grounded her, but Emma knew she was too deep in her own head. This wasn’t some huge exam she had to ace. It was a letter to her sister. Her twelve-year-old sister.
Yet here she was…terrified she’d get itallwrong.
She leaned back in the chair and chewed her lip. What did she open with?Hi, Freya? That felt too short. Too cold. ButHey, Freyafelt weirdly casual, as though she was messaging a friend she’d known for years. She settled on typingHi Freya,and immediately deleted the comma. Then put it back.
Vanessa appeared in front of her with two steaming mugs and that familiar tilt of her head. The one that meant ‘I’m watching you spiral, and I’m here to pull you out before you sink too deep’.She set Emma’s mug down beside the laptop. “You’vebeen in the same position since I started clearing breakfast away.”
“I can’t figure out how to start.”
“It’s a hello,” Vanessa said. “Not a dissertation.”
Emma groaned and lowered her head to her hands. “It’s not just a hello. It’sthehello. The first thing she’s going to read from me where I’mnother teacher. What if I?—”
“Baby,” Vanessa said calmly. “You’renotgoing to ruin this by choosing the wrong greeting. Shewantsto hear from you. She doesn’t care how you lead, trust me.”
Emma breathed out slowly and looked back at the screen. Vanessa moved into the kitchen again without another word, giving Emma the opportunity to work it out in her own time.
Her fingers started to move, even if hesitantly at first.
Hi Freya,
Practice was really good yesterday. You work hard and it shows. I promise I’m not just saying that because I’m your teacher…or because I’m your sister.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what to say in this first email, and I’ve decided not to overcomplicate it (though I probably will anyway). Mostly, I just want you to know I’m really glad we got to talk in the corridor yesterday. It meant a lot to me that you took the time, and that you said yes to this.
I know things probably feel a little bit strange right now. Maybe even a little bit awkward. That’s okay because it’s new for both of us. We don’t have to figure everything out all at once.
So, let’s start here. At the beginning. We can talk about anything you like. Netball, school, which pets you prefer…or something completely random. Even though you’ve agreed to this email, you don’t have to respond if you’re not ready now.
