Page 39 of Emma
Vanessa knew. God, she knew. It was written all over Emma’s face whenever she drifted off into silence with that faraway look in her eyes. She had never seen her so drained or so vulnerable. But it wouldn’t last forever. Vanessa had to believe that. This was just a confusing and messy chapter in their story. The world may not make sense to Emma right now, but in time, things would even out. Vanessa hadn’t been shocked when Emma’s mum confirmed the truth about Freya. In fact, she’d almost expected it, and now…she could only deal with it.
Meeting Jane had been strange. It had been like watching the final scene of a tragic film you already knew the ending to. There was nothing explosive about that moment, just a sadness that had lingered long after they’d left the house. Still, Vanessa had to wonder if maybe someday things could be different. That their paths would cross again under better circumstances.
Doubtful.Vanessa knew it was the mother in her that hoped for a better ending.Emma wants no relationship with her mother.
And Vanessa understood that, too. Some wounds were too deep, and not everyone deserved a second chance. Given what Emma had been through, she absolutely had the right to choose whether to forgive or to let go. Vanessa knew her wife well enough to know that the door to Jane was closed, the locks changed and all.
“Do you see any resolution with your mum at all?”
Emma’s brow lifted as she took a step back, gathering her keys and phone as she prepared to leave for work. “No. I have no reason to form any sort of relationship with her ever again. And if this works out the way I’m hoping it will, I probably shouldn’t have any contact with her for my own sake.”
Vanessa tilted her head slightly, confused by Emma’s comment. “I don’t understand.”
“If they agree to Freya and I spending time together, that’s less likely to happen if I’m still in contact with either of my parents.” Emma chewed her lip. “When you were working in the office yesterday, I spent some time online. You know, just researching possible outcomes.”
Vanessa chose to listen rather than chastise her wife. Emma had already gone looking. She’d been arming herself with knowledge, while Vanessa had been under the impression they were taking things one step at a time. “I see.”
“One sibling being in contact with the birth parents can cause a few issues. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardise a relationship with Freya.”
Vanessa noted the tone in Emma’s voice. A tone that said, ‘I’m going to do right by my sister.’ “Then I would agree that it’s best to avoid any contact with your parents.”
Emma smiled as her shoulders untensed. That smile…it was full of belief. Belief that this could work out. Belief that everything may just align. And for a moment, Vanessa felt that belief, too.
“Anyway, I feel positive about it all.”
God, Vanessa hated this. All of it. Because as she watched Emma’s growing smile, she knew a different side. Fostering and adoption were a maze. It was full of unpredictable twists and turns. If Freya’s guardians said no, if they shut Emma out, Vanessa didn’t know how orifher wife would recover from that kind of rejection.
“Come on, babe. Let’s head off to work.” Emma reached for the car keys in the bowl on the dining table. She knocked back her orange juice in one quick gulp, letting out a satisfied sigh as she lowered the glass to the sink and spun around. “Don’t forget to let me know later if you can meet me at lunch, okay?”
Vanessa opened her mouth, almost ready to suggest they drive in together just as she had planned, but something stopped her. She had a feeling Emma needed this space to feel in control of everything going on around her. Vanessa didn’t want to be the one who dragged her own worries into Emma’s already chaotic headspace. Not today. “You go on ahead. I’m not quite ready yet.”
“I don’t know how you do it. I’m too scared to be late with all the bloody traffic lately.”
Vanessa winked as she slid from her stool and made her way to the kitchen sink. “I know the shortcuts. That’s all I’m saying.”
Emma saton the small bench behind the swimming pool building, enjoying the warmth from the sun on her face. The airaround her was crisp, autumnal, but if she closed her eyes, it felt as though spring was on its way. It had been an uneventful day so far, and if she had her way, it would stay like that. Her heart couldn’t take any more sudden turns. She drew one knee up and rested her elbow on it, gazing across the open space.
Her thoughts were a tangled mess, but each one led back to the same thing.Freya. Emma didn’t know where to start. How did someone navigate a situation like this? A teacher and student…yet unknowingly sisters by blood. There had to be protocols and rules in place. There had to besomethingto guide her. Surely.
God, I hope so.
She swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump of emotion wedged there. The silence pressed down on her, broken only by the distant shriek of a whistle that signalled the end of lunch. That dreaded uncertainty she’d avoided all morning was now clawing at her chest, but she didn’t need it. Uncertainty was the one thing that could unravel Emma quicker than anything else. Still, the one thing Emma was sure of right now was that Freya had done the right thing by telling her the truth. It had been brave, even if Emma hadn’t believed her at first.
Why did she tell me?
Maybe Freya had told her because she wanted a relationship. Maybe she was just waiting for Emma to take that first step. It would make sense since Emma was the adult here. She wassupposedto lead the way, but Vanessa’s doubts about it all continued to echo in her mind.
I’m surely entitled to something with her.
It didn’t feel right. The idea that someone who had never met Emma, someone with no understanding of who she was or what she felt, could decide what kind of relationship she was allowed to have with her own sister. If only she could explain everything, maybe it would all just click into place. After all, neither of themhad asked for this. Neither of them had wanted to live their lives separately as strangers. That spark of excitement that was buried deep threatened to break through, but Emma couldn’t let it. Not yet. Hope was too dangerous. Hope could destroy her if she let it run away with itself.
As she cleared her throat, footsteps approached from behind her. The familiar click of heels grew nearer, ending with a kiss on Emma’s cheek from behind. “Hi, baby.” Vanessa’s voice calmed Emma in an instant. “I’m sorry I couldn’t have lunch with you. My meeting wasn’t supposed to overrun. I’m not sure how it got to that point.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Emma placed her hand over Vanessa’s as she took a seat. “These things happen. I know that.”
“But I’m free for the next hour.” Vanessa leaned in and playfully nudged Emma’s shoulder. “How’s your day been so far?”
“Fine. I’m just trying to focus on work and lesson plans. I can’t really do anything else, can I?”
