Page 23 of Emma
Emma took one of Vanessa’s hands and pulled it into her lap. “I know, babe.”
“She’s been a really good friend to me. And I feel as though you’re both in a different place with one another now, too.”
“She…called me out a few months ago for ignoring the fact I was burned out. Made me cry in the staff kitchen and then forced me to eat a protein bar.” Vanessa noted how Emma’s eyes brightened. “I think that was the moment when I started toreallytrust her. She’s not who I thought she was. She’s not just some flirt with extreme eyeliner and heels worth a grand.”
Vanessa laughed. “She still has the eyeliner. The heels… Well, I can’t comment on that, nor will I divulge how much my own shoe collection is worth.”
“We can discuss the cost of your wardrobe later,” Emma said, her eyes narrowed playfully. “But as for Dani, she’s solid.” Emma squeezed Vanessa’s hand. “And she loves you. Not in a way that used to make me worry, just…in a way that a friend loves and cares for another friend.”
Something within Vanessa shifted. While she knew Emma was on better terms with Dani, she hadn’t expected such a glowing review of the woman. Peace. That’s what Vanessa was suddenly feeling. “She really does.”
“I was only being protective of you.” Emma visibly swallowed, as though she felt guilty for that protectiveness. But Vanessa? Well, she adored her wife’s protectiveness. “But Idosee it now. She’s always had your back. Especially when things got messy.”
“If it helps,” Vanessa said, stroking her thumb over Emma’s knuckles. “I think she’s very fond of you.”
“I don’t know. I’m sure she’s probably still waiting for me to blow up if she even looks at you.” Emma wrinkled her nose as she lifted a shoulder. “But I want you to know that I’m happy she’s in your life. Our life. She’s a good person.”
Vanessa smiled, allowing those words to settle in her mind. “I’m happy, too.”
Lifting her legs up onto the couch as she slouched against Emma, Vanessa enjoyed the silence that had blanketed the living room. Emma dipped her head and kissed the top of Vanessa’s head, squeezing her shoulder supportively. She sighed contentedly as she lifted her cup to her lips, smiling at the simple knowledge she had learned this evening. The people in their lives were starting to make sense.
CHAPTER NINE
The soft clinkof cutlery and the mouthwatering scent of chicken and rosemary filled the kitchen as Emma eyed the bowl of roasted vegetables in the middle of the table. She always warred with herself when it came to a second helping, but Vanessa’s roast potatoes were the best she’d ever tasted. How could she possibly leave them to go to waste? The evening light spilled in through the window over the kitchen sink, lighting up her wife’s face in the most beautiful of ways. If Emma didn’t concentrate, she was going to choke on the forkful of chicken she’d just shoved into her mouth.
Vanessa seemed calm tonight. Her shoulders were relaxed, and her blonde hair was pulled into a loose bun that always unravelled by the end of the night. Emma watched her across the table. She absently stroked her fingers up and down the stem of her glass, her plate pushed slightly to the side as if she was in two minds about finishing the last of her food. She often did that when something was on her mind.
Emma reached for the bowl of roasted vegetables, trying to keep the atmosphere at the level it was currently at. “So, how was therapy today?”
Vanessa glanced up, regarding Emma with a small smile. “Heavy. But good.”
Emma nodded slowly but waited for Vanessa to expand. She’d learned not to push during these conversations. Vanessa would say what was on her mind when she was ready to.
“We spoke about the anniversary.” Vanessa lifted her glass and took a small sip of white wine. She spoke quietly, but her eyes were bright, and Emma knew that she was progressing in the right direction. She’d had a moment or two over the last twelve months, but it was nothing Emma wouldn’t expect. “I explained how I’d forgotten it was coming up and that you’d taken me out to celebrate. It felt strange talking about it, almost as strange as the night you mentioned it at dinner. I just…how can something so big only be a year ago?”
Emma understood where Vanessa was coming from. Perhaps a part of her had pushed it from her mind entirely whenever she could, but Emma didn’t have that ability. She could still remember the hospital room Vanessa lay in. The brightness of the corridors. The sterile smell. She remembered holding onto Vanessa’s hand as though her wife would vanish before her very eyes if she dared to let go. Emma remembered all of it.
“I thought I’d be over it by now, but it seems not.” Vanessa cast her eyes to the table as she cleared her throat. “What I’ve lost is forever there at the back of my mind. I just choose not to think about it. The grief, the anger, it’s all still there…no matter how much I wish it would just fade away.”
Emma reached across the table and took Vanessa’s hand. These conversations were important. Emma hoped Vanessa knew just how much support she had. “I hope you know there’s no timescale, babe. That there isn’t some finish line you’re waiting to cross.”
Vanessa gazed back at her, smiling but also carrying that uncertainty in her eyes that Emma had familiarised herself withsince the surgery. “I miss the way I used to feel in my skin. I miss the confidence I had. It’s like I’m learning to live in a new body, a new version of myself…and to be honest, I don’t always like her.”
Emma squeezed Vanessa’s hand and grinned. “I like her. I love her.Allof her.”
“You’re biased.”
Emma shrugged. “Maybe, but I’m also right.”
They sat in silence for a while, a silence that didn’t need to be filled. As a couple, they’d never filled the room with pointless chatter. They’d always been comfortable sitting quietly, mulling over things in their mind.
“I know.”
And now, it was time for dessert. “You finished here, babe?”
“Yes, thank you.” Vanessa wiped her mouth on a napkin and relaxed back in her seat. “What’s for afters tonight?”
“Your favourite. I thought we could eat it on the couch instead of out here.” Emma rose to her feet and rounded the table, pressing a kiss to Vanessa’s temple as she started to clear away. “Two spoons?”
