Page 88 of Emma
Suddenly panicked, Vanessa pushed her chair back and stood. “Right. Okay. This is…God, this is huge, Emma. Brilliant and so exciting for you, but huge.” Vanessa smiled, but then her pulse leapt and panic set in. “What if she doesn’t like it here? What if she thinks it’s boring, or too tidy, or?—”
Emma crossed the kitchen and took Vanessa’s hands before she spiralled any further. “Vanessa.”
“What? I’m serious!” She laughed nervously, pulling her hands free only to start gesturing wildly. “She’s twelve. I can barely remember what twelve-year-olds like outside of a school setting. Do they still drink Coke, or is it all fancy sparkling waters now? Do we let her watch whatever she wants on the TV? What if she hates lasagne? What if?—”
Emma cupped her face with both hands, effectively stopping the flood of words. “You’re panicking.”
“Yes, Iampanicking.”
“She’s not coming here to be impressed. She’s coming here because she wants to be in my life. And by extension…ours.” Emma smiled as she brushed a thumb against Vanessa’s cheek. “She’ll love whatever we put in front of her. She’ll love being included. And as for lasagne…” Emma laughed. “Everyone loves lasagne. And if not, there’s always garlic bread.”
“What if she’s vegan or vegetarian? What if she has some kind of intolerance and we make her sick? I mean, am I even invited to the occasion? Should I make myself scarce? It could be too overwhelming for her.” Vanessa had somehow managed to mask how she’d felt so far, but now that this was happening, she couldn’t getanyof this wrong. Emma’s relationship with her sister depended on it. She pressed her lips together and let out a deep breath through her nose. This nervous energy was too much for her. She had to calm down. “I just don’t want to mess this up for you.”
“You couldn’t,” Emma said, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “You’ve been in this with me from the second we found out. You’ve held me together every time I thought I was falling apart. Do you really think a twelve-year-old with a soft spot for netball and a bowl of chips is going to think you’re anything other than amazing?”
Vanessa’s throat tightened unexpectedly. She shook her head as a small laugh broke through the fear. “When you put it like that…”
Emma grinned. “Exactly.”
Still, later, as they cleared the table from dinner, Vanessa found herself opening cupboards she hadn’t checked in months. She moved bottles around, frowned at the lack of fizzy drinks, and then started a mental shopping list. Coke, orange juice, maybe a couple of snacks just in case. She found herself wondering if Freya liked board games or if she’d rather sprawl on the sofa with a blanket and a film.
Emma leaned against the counter, watching her with amusement as Vanessa turned to face her. “What on earth are you doing now?”
Vanessa shot her a look as she crossed the kitchen and picked up a notepad. “I’m preparing.”
Emma laughed. “For a royal visit?”
“For the most important visit we’ve had in this house since you came back from Ghana.” Vanessa placed her hands on her hips,daringEmma to laugh again. “And don’t you roll your eyes at me. This matters.”
Emma crossed the room and slipped her arms around Vanessa’s waist, kissing her shoulder. “It matters to me, too. But we’renotgoing to get it wrong. Because the thing she wants more than anything isn’t Coke or garlic bread or telly. It’s to sit at a table with her sister.”
Vanessa’s shoulders relaxed. “You’re right. But I’m still buying Coke.”
“Mm. Are you, though?” Emma narrowed her eyes and smirked.
“Fine. Coke Zero. I cannot bring myself to offer a child a drink so high in sugar.” Maybe the alternative was just as bad, but at least Freya wouldn’t be bouncing off the walls before she went home again. “Now, help me make a list.”
Rain tapped faintlyagainst the windows, the house quiet as Vanessa lay in bed and stared up at the ceiling through the darkness. Emma’s breathing was slow and even beside her, but Vanessa knew she wasn’t asleep. She shifted slightly, rolling onto her side to face Vanessa, her hair likely untamed in a way that made Vanessa’s heart soar.
“You’re still awake,” Emma whispered.
“So are you.”
“Mm. But you’re the one fidgeting.” Emma’s hand slid over her stomach and rested there. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
Vanessa hesitated. She didn’t want to sound ridiculous, but if there was one person she could be ridiculous with, it was Emma. “I keep thinking about Friday. About Freya actually being here and the fact that she’ll see everything. This house, the way we live,us. What if she doesn’t like it?”
Emma shifted closer. “Babe, she’s twelve.”
“I know, but she’s your sister. She’s the first blood family you’ve let into your life in years. I just…I don’t want to let you down.”
Emma’s hand tightened around Vanessa’s hip, pulling her closer until their foreheads touched. “You couldn’t let me down if you tried.”
“You say that.” Vanessa sighed. “But this feels huge. It feels like one wrong move and she’ll decide she doesn’t want any of this. And you’ll lose her all over again.”
The words caught in Vanessa’s throat, heavier than she meant them to be. She hadn’t realised just how much fear she’d been carrying until she let it slip into the dark. Emma was her world; the mere thought of getting this wrong was going to haunt her until she was sure she’d got it right.
Emma’s thumb traced slow circles against Vanessa’s hip, anchoring her. “She’s not going anywhere. Not now. You didn’t see her face when she first asked if she could come here. It wasn’t nerves, and there was no doubt. She was excited. She wants this as much as I do.”
