Page 65 of The Vow Thief
We sat quietly for a moment before I said,“I saw something last night that didn’t help.”
“What did you see?”
“Matt. On Instagram. With some woman. They looked happy. Like I never existed.”
Dr. Colleen nodded slowly.“And what did that make you feel?”
“Angry. Sad. Maybe jealous. I don’t even know anymore.”
Dr. Colleen leaned forward slightly.“Why were you even looking at his social media, Lily?”
I swallowed hard.“Curiosity, I guess.”
“Curiosity about what?”
“How he’s doing. Who he’s with. Whether he’s miserable.”
“And if he isn’t?”
I forced a laugh that sounded nothing like humor.“Then I guess I’ll have to live with that.”
Her voice stayed steady.“It sounds like you still have a lot tied up in him. Not love, maybe, but attachment. Why do you think that is?”
I looked away.“Because he was the first person who made me believe I could be good. And the last one who proved I wasn’t.”
Dr. Colleen nodded slowly.“That’s an incredibly honest thing to say, Lily. Most people spend years in therapy trying to admit something like that.”
I let out a humorless laugh.“Great. I’m ahead of schedule.”
Her expression didn’t change.“You’re self-aware, but awareness isn’t the same as progress. You still haven’t told me why you’re spending so much energy on Matt and Sarah. What are you getting from it?”
“Closure, maybe.”
She raised a brow.“Or distraction?”
I said nothing.
She leaned back slightly, still watching me.“It looks to me like you have an entirely new set of problems in front of you, and yet you keep circling this one man as if he’s the center of your universe. He’s not. He’s just the orbit you refuse to leave.”
“That’s harsh,” I muttered.
“It’s fair,” she said quietly.“You can’t heal while you’re still trying to monitor someone else’s life. Every minute you spend checking his social media, comparing yourself to Sarah, replaying that story, you’re handing your power back to them.”
I stared at my hands.“So what do you want me to do? Pretend it doesn’t bother me?”
“I want you to stop feeding it. Block him. Mute her. Let the noise die out. You have to stop making them the proof of your failure and pain.”
“That sounds impossible.”
“Then start small,” she said.“One night without checking his profile. One morning without thinking about her name. You have bigger things to face than ghosts.”
I didn’t answer. I just nodded, though I knew I’d probably fail before I even tried.
Chapter 29 - Sarah Meets Eli
Mornings in my house always started with motion.
Tommy couldn’t find his shoes. Emily needed her hair redone because ponytails are for babies. The kitchen smelled like toast and kid shampoo and a hint of my sanity slipping.
