Page 29 of Burning for Alexander
“Your order,” the hostess said brightly, handing Kaidee a paper bag. “Have a great hike!”
“Thanks,” Kaidee replied, but her smile was strained.
As we walked back to the truck, she was unusually quiet. It wasn’t until we were driving toward the trailhead that she finally spoke.
“That was intense,” she said carefully.
“It’s my job.”
“Is it, though? I mean, the safety stuff, sure. But that felt… personal.”
I kept my eyes on the road. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Judd.” Her voice was gentle but firm. “I may not know you well, but that was more emotion than I’ve seen out of you in a week of living with you. What’s really going on with you and the restaurant guy?”
I was quiet for a long moment, trying to sort through my own motivations. Why had I pushed so hard? Why did Alex Marian’s evasions and half-truths bother me so much?
“He’s reckless,” I said finally. “And he thinks he can charm his way out of consequences.”
“Maybe. Or maybe he’s just trying to protect someone who can’t protect themselves.”
I glanced at her, surprised by the insight, that she’d been able to put into words what we’d seen.
“That kid—Tavo—he looked terrified. Not of the boxes or the broken light, but of you. Of being noticed.” She shifted in her seat to face me. “Sometimes there are good reasons why people don’t want to be noticed by authority figures.”
Her words settled uneasily in my chest. I thought about Tavo’s panicked expression when I’d asked for his last name, the way Alex had immediately moved to shield him.
“Maybe,” I admitted grudgingly.
We drove the rest of the way in silence, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the way Alex had positioned himself between me and Tavo or the fierce protectiveness in his voice. It reminded me of something, though I couldn’t quite place what.
It wasn’t until we were halfway up the trail, Kaidee chattering about the wildflowers and the view, that it hit me.
It reminded me ofDrunkenPoet. Of the way he’d written about protecting people, about doing what was right, even when it wasn’t entirely legal.
He’d told me a story of someone in his extended family undergoing harsh conversion therapy years ago when a guardian angel swooped in and saved him, taking him away from his abusive father and bringing him to a shelter for LGBTQ kids. Years later, the victim and his rescuer met again and fell in love. But the act of “saving” one man from his abuse had been illegal. It was obvious kidnapping, even though none of the legal alternatives would have worked.
Sometimes the right thing isn’t the same as the legal thing, he’d typed.Sometimes you have to choose between following rules and protecting people.
I’d disagreed with him then, argued that rules existed for good reasons. But he’d patiently pushed back against my black-and-white thinking, gently urging me to see the gray areas.
Not everyone has the luxury of trusting the system,Index. Sometimes the system fails the people who need it most.
DrunkenPoetdidn’t know I was one of those kids who’d been in the system. One of the people he was advocating for.
I made a noise in my throat. The same pain that always accompanied memories ofDrunkenPoettightened in my chest.
“You okay?” Kaidee asked before slipping her hand into mine.
I squeezed and let go before realizing that might have been her move. “Yeah. Just… thinking.”
She let out a little huff of laughter and stopped walking, so I stopped and turned back to her.
“Okay, I’m just going to say what I think and damn the consequences,” she said.
The look on my face must have shown my confusion because she let out a sigh. “I’ve been trying to send you signals all week that I’d be up for more than just being your houseguest, but you haven’t seemed to notice. I know you’re into women because Max told me you’ve dated women before?—”
“I’m bi,” I said without thinking, because it was true, and I’d been asked enough times in the past that I was used to it.
