Page 79 of Five Years
“We were just talking,” Ariana said, her voice trembling. “It’s not what you think.”
Hannah took a deep breath, looking at Leah one last time before she made a beeline for the exit. The door to the pizzeria slammed behind her.
“Shit!” Ariana jumped up, without thinking she pushed her chair back and sprinted towards the door. “Wait here, let me deal with this.”
Leah wasn’t known for following direction. She gathered her things and rushed through the door after Ariana. Outside, the cool air hit her face. She spotted Ariana and Hannah a few feet ahead.
“Hannah!” Ariana yelled, catching up to her, the sound desperate. “Let me explain!”
Hannah spun around, her face flushed with anger. “What is there to explain?” she shot back.
Leah watched from afar, close enough to hear the conversation and see the hurt outlined on both their faces, but far enough away that she wasn’t being intrusive. It wasn’t a conversation she needed to be a part of, but there was an element of being involved and the confusion around why Hannah was there in the first place.
What had Ariana told her?
How had she ended things? Surely, Leah had a right to know that.
“Nothing is going on,” Ariana said.
“I walk into a pizzeria and find you holding hands with your ex, the ex who I know you’re still in love with, a day after you insinuate that we should end things. What do you want me to think?”
“I didn’t mean for it to look that way,” Ariana said, breathless, her voice cracking.
“I never wanted to admit it...” Hannah’s voice was quieter now.
“What?”
“That you were still in love with her, but it’s been obvious since the day you left. I trusted you. But, I always felt like I was waiting around for this day, you were always stuck in the past, Ariana.”
“That’s not true!”
“Stop lying!” Hannah yelled.
“I never meant to hurt you, I swear, I didn’t want to put you in this position, I love you, Hannah,” she said, her voice pleading now.
“Are you still in love with her?” Hannah nodded towards Leah, whose presence was now acknowledged.
Ariana’s lips trembled. She looked at Leah, and then back at Hannah. She was stuck in an impossible situation. Sandwiched between two women she loved, whichever way she answered the question, one of them would get hurt. Which of them stood to suffer the most from her response, that was something she had to weigh up as she stood in silence.
“Hannah . . .” her voice broke.
“It’s a simple question, Ariana. Are you still in love with her?”
Hannah was standing there, waiting for Ariana to choose her. Maybe, that’s what she’d been doing all along. Maybe, for five years she’d been waiting for Ariana to figure it out, to understand if she was still in love with Leah, to finally commit to the house, and the children, and marriage.
What if Hannah was uncommitted on account of Ariana’s uncertainty around her own feelings? Leah had never thought of it like that before.
“No.”
The single solitary word hit Leah like a punch to the gut. Hannah wiped at her eyes, a bitter laugh escaping her lips.
“Oh, you’ve really made a mess of this now.” The harshness of Hannah’s words caused Ariana’s chest to tighten.
Hannah shook her head slowly, a sad, resigned look crossing her face. “Do you see, Leah? She doesn’t know what she wants.”
With that, Hannah turned and walked away. And Leah did the same.
Ariana didn’t follow her.
