Page 9 of Five Years
Ariana’s voice softened. “I don’t know about that.”
Leah’s breath caught in her throat. What was she doing there?
In that bar, with Ariana, reminiscing as though seeing her wouldn’t bring to the surface a thousand inappropriate, unanswered questions. The last time Leah and Ariana conversed one-on-one, she laid her feelings bare—whilst Ariana ripped any morsel of hope away, emotionally draining any positivity from Leah’s body. She never quite found the clarity she had hoped for.
“So...how’s Hannah?” Leah searched for a real response in her eyes.
Ariana sat back in her chair, upright, posture perfect, as though she suddenly remembered where she was, who she was with, and the kind of exposure she was making herself susceptible to.
“She’s doing good,” Ariana smiled. “Thank you for asking.”
“Do you have any plans to tie the knot?” Leah glanced at Ariana’s wedding finger—there was no sight of a ring.
“Erm...we have spoken about it, but we both got promoted, and Hannah decided to start her own business, her grandparents got sick, and her brother had to stay with us for a while...there’s just been a lot of things happening, and there’s no rush, right?”
Was she asking Leah?
Or was she telling Leah?
It felt like a question. She counted the four different excuses in that one small explanation and became suspicious of the current trajectory of their relationship.
“I am happy,” Ariana followed up.
It was an odd thing to state at that point in their conversation. Leah had given no indication that she suspected Ariana wasn’t happy, but something prompted her to defend her well-being.
“I’m glad you’re happy,” Leah smiled.
Is that what you brought me here for?Leah thought.
The situation started to feel like a pathway to gloat—or to overcompensate and portray a picture of solitude. Leah was trying to figure that out.
“Are you?” Ariana wondered.
“Yes. I’m figuring things out here, but for the most part, I’m happy,” she answered honestly.
Leah first met Ariana when she was thriving in life. She was at the top of her game in her previous career, had a solid group of friends, financial stability, and understood what a partner could bring to her life—and, equally, what she needed to avoid. She had her shit together. Ariana was everything Leah wasn’t: worldly to her naïve, resolute to her hesitant, city-born where she was suburban-living. Initially, it seemed like the perfect match.
“Would you like another drink?” Ariana offered.
“I should probably go,” Leah said, nervously looking at her empty wine glass.
“Please, just one. . . ” Ariana said smoothly.
“Okay.”
Leah excused herself. A quick bathroom break allowed her time to recompose. She pulled the thin tub of concealer from her bag, trying her best to smear away the years. She was no longer the wide-eyed girl she used to be—her reflection was older now. Strands of brown hair framed her face, a few lighter ones catching the light in ways that betrayed the years. Her blue eyes looked back at her steadily, softer than they once had been but touched with resilience. She pushed her brows up with her fingertips.
Did Ariana notice the new addition of lines around her eyes? The trace of years’ worth of squinting was still there beneath the layer of foundation. She observed her masked appearance. The evidence of every energized conversation she’d ever had was present in the indents around her mouth. The worries of years gone by creased themselves, one by one, into her forehead—one layer of makeup and it all disappeared.
She looked—polished. She looked less fragile, less broken than she did when she last shared such close proximity to Ariana. The last words Ariana said occasionally echoed in Leah’s mind:I think I’m still in love with Hannah—the blow could still be felt vibrating through her body even now, five years after the fact.
“I see the length of your bathroom breaks haven’t changed,” Ariana laughed. “What on earth do you do in there?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Leah joshed.
“So, do you. . . have someone. . . who you share your time with?. . . sometimes, or—” Ariana fumbled her words.
“Are you asking me if I have a girlfriend?” Leah laughed.
