Page 40 of Choose Us
“I’m notin denial.”
“You scream denial.” I laughed. She didn’t like that.
“You’re such an asshole.”She huffed.
Maybe so, but I had a point, and now I was beyond annoyed. “Why did you even get my attention in Shibuya? You should have justignored me.”
It would have made the whole trip ten times easier. I could have left never having seen her, and my brain would be less scrambled thanit was now.
“Do you really think that I could not see you?”
I shrugged.
“Do you think I could go about my day knowing you were in the same country as me? In the same goddamn building as me? You think I could just ignore you? You’re crazy,”she yelled.
“You should have,” I said it with venom on my tongue, but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want her to ignore me; I wanted the complete opposite.
“Yeah, well I couldn’t, okay?”
“Why not? Why make things complicated? Look at us now.” I flung my hand out and accidentally whacked my fingers on the dashboard. “Fuck. Ouch.”
“Because... I fucking love you. Isn’tit obvious?”
She still loved me?Oh.
“I never stopped loving you. Do you think for one second I’d be able to sleep, eat, or focus on anything knowing you were within touching distance and I didn’t do anything about it? You’re fucking delusional, and I hate you for it. I hate you for this, for making me feel outof control.”
The words registered. The throbbing in my hand added a heightened sensory element. I gripped my fingers tightly in my other hand, trying not to make ita big deal.
“Pull over,” I said.
Sheignored me.
“Pull over... please.”
There was a turnoff ahead. Perfect timing. Brooke pulled onto the long tree-lined street. The trees towered so high it was impossible to see through the top of them. I felt cocooned; the road was surprisingly quiet, void of any life. We sat for a moment in silence with only the humming of the engine as background noise.
“You don’t love me.” I sighed deeply. I used my good hand to rub the frown lines on my forehead. “If you loved me, you’d neverhave left.”
There it was, the elephant in the room. The words I’d wanted to say every single day for two years. They came out winey. I hated that. I wanted to say them again, but cooler, calmer, more like I’d grown as a person and accepted our fate, but instead I came off suppressed and pathetic.
“You know that’s not true.”
Brooke turned off the ignition. She pinched the bridge of her nose. There were tears visible. I pretended to consider her words, but I couldn’t believe them, not fully. I held my breath as I waited for her tospeak again.
“Holly,” Brooke whispered. Eyebrows raised, she lifted her gaze to meet mine. There was an intensity there I’d never felt before. I was used to being in control, but I felt powerless to her. My feelings for her crippled me more than I’d thought possible.
In the shadow of the trees her face was so close to mine I could smell the campfire from the night before on her clothes. I could smell the fresh perfume Hana had kindly allowed her to use on her neck. The scent was fruity and refreshing, a scent unrecognisable to me on Hana, but on Brooke it smelt amazing.
Suddenly, I felt her lips, her tongue searching for mine, the intimacy of last night’s kiss was no longer present; this was different. I felt her body pulsate, and the passionate yearning for my own as she reached her arms down unclipping her seatbelt and forcing me back. She clambered on top, straddling mewith force.
The feeling of excitement and passion, but also fear, all mixed into one to create an adrenaline I’d never felt before. The throbbing in my finger disappeared once I gripped her waist and I was compelled to feel a different kind of pain: the ache of desire, the agony of longing for someone I couldnever have.
We clambered over the middle compartment of the SUV. Brooke first. I followed. She pulled my body towards her. Our lips never parted for more than a second. The back seat was large and relatively private due to the tinted windows. I was conscious the engine was off. The lack of air-conditioning for even a few minutes made the car feel like a sauna.
“It’s hot in here,” I mumbled.
“I don’t care.” Brooke removed her T-shirt followed by mine as our bodies began to feel the effects of a Japanese heatwave. I brushed her hair from her face, biting at her neck and her lip as I investigated her body.
