Page 70 of Choose Us
“Don’t you feel guilty?”
“For which part?” Brooke looked me deadin the eye.
“You’ve spent the last week skipping down memory lane with me, doing what we’ve done, and you don’t feel guilty? If I’d known you were with someone else—” I broke away mid-sentence. I was getting on my high horse, and I was acutely aware of it. I walked to the fridge and rummaged for more wine.
“What, Holly? You wouldn’t have spent time with me? You wouldn’t have kissed me or told me you still loved me?” She was visibly annoyed now, which I thought was laughable. How could she be annoyed at me?
“Maybe not,” I said hesitantly. It was the most unconvincing response I’d ever given. If I was in a court of law, I would’ve been ripped to pieces.
“I find that hard to believe.” Brooke huffed.
“Talk about being full of yourself.” I sneered.
Her eyes narrowed. “You’re impossible sometimes. Do youknow that?”
“I’m impossible? What have I done?” Brooke literally had a woman in every country as part of her closeted life of lies, and I was impossible? I laughed.
“Yes, because you can’t for one second get your head out of your ass to see how difficult thisis for me.”
“Please enlighten me as to how this is difficult for you?”
My second glass of wine went down the hatch in one gulp. It seemed there was no better time to get blind drunk and forget all about the events of the past ten days.
“You can sit there and tell me you would’ve done things differently, or you would’ve been more honest, but it doesn’t matter because what’s done is done. I tried to ignore you. I tried to carry on walking that day in Shibuya. I tried to stop myself from seeing you again. I tried to resist kissing you, having sex with you, holding you, and touching you, but I couldn’t, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I am so weak when it comes to you I found it physically impossible not to want you.” Hervoice broke.
I slammed the glass down on the counter harder than I’d intended. She flinched. This was what I’d feared in coming to Japan, seeing her again, and letting myself feel as deeply as I oncehad for her.
There was one more question I had to ask. My body fought against me. The vein in my forehead pulsated at the sheer vulnerability of the situation. The moment she left I knew I would burstinto tears.
“Why wasn’t I enough for you?”
There it was—the golden question. The answer would be the start of my recovery and my journey to a Brooke free life.
She flinched. My words struck a nerve. “You were enough for me.”
“That’s a lie, Brooke.”
She stepped forward, edging closer. “My decision to stand by my dad wasn’t a reflection onyou, Holly.”
I laughed sarcastically. “How can you say that? What was it then?”
“The hardest decision I ever had to make.”She sighed.
Brooke walked towards me; only the kitchen counter filled with fruit, glasses, and a small green plant that gave off a strong citrus scent, separated us.
“Bullshit.” My voice sounded unfamiliar to me. It was hoarse, broken, and growing harsher the louder it became. I didn’t recognise myself.
She grimaced. “Holly.”
“No. I can’t do this anymore. Everything you’ve ever said to me was a lie. If you loved me, you would’ve risked everything to be with me, even if that meant not babysitting your homophobic condescending asshole of a father.” I slammed the bottle back in the fridge and threw my arm out towards the door.
“Just leave, Brooke.”
“But—
“Leave,” I yelled.
I watched the tears form in her eyes. My body began trembling. I was overcome with emotion. I willed my hands to stop shaking. The room felt like it was closing in around me. It might have been two years, but my face burned bright with the thought of Brooke’s betrayal. It should’vebeen easier.
