Page 69 of Choose Us
“I mean, it’s pretty simple, Brooke.” I picked up my phone. The screen had a couple of work emails and a three hour late reply from my mum about what happened on the latest episode ofHollyoaks, but nothing else. I wanted a distraction, anything to take me away from the nightmare unfolding before me.
“Holly.”
“Here I was thinking I was the only girl you would ever love. That’s what you told me wasn’t it? Here’s me thinking I was special, and what we had would always be between me and you. Then you move to Japan and shack up with the first girl you come across.”
I couldn’t stay seated. My leg bounced up and down against the footrest. I raced to the fridge. My throat was dry and rough.
“It’s not like that.” She gave the same generic answer; it seemed to be her new go to.
“You’re talking a lot, Brooke, but you’re not saying anything.”
“I know. I just don’t know what to say for the best. I want to be honest. I don’t want to make things worse, but it’s easier saidthan done.”
I poured myself a glass of wine, anything to take the edge off. The lump in my throat felt like I was trying to swallow a golf ball. The next question was on the tip of my tongue.
“Are you not in a sexual relationship with Takara?” I had my back to Brooke. My eyes clenched tightly. I didn’t want to know the answer, not really, but it seemed I was in the mood to causemyself pain.
“Yes, I am, but...” Hervoice faded.
My cheeks blushed as the heat blazed through myentire body.
“But what?” I snapped.
“I’m not in love with her, Holly,” she said, tenderly.
Don’t believe her.No good can come from this.
The pain I felt at not being chosen by her two years ago had been more than I could abide. At the time I felt I might never love again. I might never be the same ever again. The thought of her choosing someone else, introducing her to her dad, or that person being the one she gave up everything for; it was somuch worse.
“Just leave, Brooke. I don’t want to hear anymore.” I pinched the bridgeof my nose.
Don’t get upset.Stay strong.
“Can I at least explain before I go?” Brooke asked.
I still couldn’t look at her. The wine hit the back of my throat with a bitter taste. She didn’t give me a chanceto respond.
“I wanted to tell you about Takara on more than one occasion, but you can’t blame me for not being able to find the right words.” She paused. “She was the first friend I made in Japan. If I’m honest, I didn’t see her as anything other than that. She told me she was gay about a year ago. I thought about telling her about you, at least she’d understand, but after a while I started to feel her energy change towards me. I thought she might like me, and I didn’t want to give her any reason to think I might be interested.” Brooke strolled to the window and began fiddling with the blinds. I said nothing.
“About six months ago I got very drunk, and I let her kiss me. The next day I knew it was a bad idea, but I couldn’t take it back, so I tried to play it off for a few weeks. I guess, over time I became curious. I had the opportunity to see what it would be like with another woman, to see if she could make me feel anything like howyoumade me feel.”
“And did she?” I gulped. I didn’t think I had ever felt my brain swell in my head until that moment. I feared it might be tight enough to cause severe damage.
“No.” Brooke sighed. “Noteven close.”
“What about now?” I didn’t want to know, but my stupid mouth kept asking questions. Maybe it was self-sabotage. The more I felt hurt, the less likely I was to go back. Thinking about her kissing Takara every time she moved her lips didn’t stop me wanting to explore her entire body with my hands.
Stop it, I screamedinternally.
Brooke remained tight lipped.
“Do you love her?” I asked.
She didn’t answerright away.
“I care... for her.”
It was a cop out if I’d ever heard one.
