Page 68 of Choose Us
The thing I struggled with most when we broke up was the thought of being an experiment, just another notch on the bedpost,as they say.
Maybe I was her gateway into the world of being a lesbian, and now she was honing her skills halfway around the world with the next woman to be sucked into her closeted world of lies.
*
It took over an hour to get back to Beth’s apartment. I thought about calling her, but the journey alone on the train gave me time to reflect. There were tears, and I had no doubt there would be more. The tissue I’d picked up from the coffee cart was now sodden and torn to pieces in my pocket. My reflection in the downstairs window of the apartment building I passed highlighted my red puffy eyes. Beth would know instantly that I was upset, and I wasn’t sure I had the strength to discuss it, never mind to pretend any different.
The apartment was eerily quiet when I wandered inside. Normally, the TV would be blaring, or there’d be music playing. Beth would usually greet me by bellowing my name at the top of her lungs, but this time there was nothing. When I rounded the corner to the living area, I saw Beth first. She sat on the edge of the sofa, visibly uncomfortable. She looked at me with concern in her eyes and a smile that screamed pity.
Beth’s eyes flashed to her right. Someone else was there. The smell hit me first. I would recognise her scent anywhere. Before I clocked the long blonde hair I knew she was there.
The second person came into view.
Brooke.
“What is she doing here?” I aimed my question at Beth.
“I’m sorry. It seemed urgent,” Beth apologised. It was my fault for not texting her. If I’d given her some warning she might not have let her in. Then again, how was I to know Brooke would teleport into Beth’sliving room.
“I want to talk to you, Holly. Please.” Brooke had her arms crossed tightly against her chest.
“What exactly is there to talk about?” I scowled. I placed my hands in my pockets to disguise the shaking. “It all makes perfect senseto me now.”
“It’s not that simple.” Brooke pursed her lips; her brow was defined. The pain looked genuine, but was itjust guilt?
“I don’t need your explanation.”I sniffled.
Beth stood. “I think you two need some time alone, so I’m going to take a drive. I’ll see you later.” Beth grabbed her car keys from the kitchen counter and gently placed her hand on my arm as she passed. “Call me if you need me,” she whispered.
The door slammed shut.
Wewere alone.
Brooke walked to the edge of the sofa and propped herself up against the arm. She was poised and ready. All I wanted was to get a shower, wallow in self-pity, and cry myself to sleep. I couldn’t do any of that with Brooke standing there.
I slumped on the bar stool and folded my arms abruptly but remained silent. I wanted with all my heart to be angry, to cuss at her, throw some fruit from the fruit bowl, or storm out dramatically calling her a liar, but none of that was realistic.
All I felt was pain.
She didn’t speak. I didn’t speak. The air between us was heavy with questions, reason, and uncertainty, but neither of us seemed to know how to make thefirst move.
“So, you have a girlfriend?” Saying the words out loud made me feel nauseous. “I’ve got to say, I didn’t expect that while I was fucking you in the back of your car.” I hissed. “Real nice, Brooke.”
She bowed her head. “I deserved that.”She sighed.
I pinched at my arm.
Regain some composure.
It was pitch black outside. The light from the TV and a small undermount light in the kitchen were the only two things illuminating the apartment. I didn’t make any attempt to change the poor lighting. If anything, it was doing me a favour hiding my eyes.
“How long have you been together?” I asked.
Brooke sighed. “Six months.”
“Wow. It’s serious.” The weight of the situation was crushing my soul. “So, are you a lesbian now?” I asked through gritted teeth.
“I don’t think it’s that simple.” The more she evaded, the angrier I felt.
