Page 37 of My Grumpy Sweetheart
Liam’s mouth hung open. Murphy just blinked. And Jason? He appeared to have transformed into a statue.
“Oh my god,” Liam finally gasped, laying a hand over his heart. “You’re in love.”
“What?” Fear gripped my heart, squeezing tightly. “No. Didn’t you listen to a word I just said? He’s driving me crazy!”
Murphy laughed. “Yes, you moron, we heard you. And apparently, you’re into that. And panties. Which, dude, I didnotneed to know.”
Jason chuckled. “Maybe they’re both good at oversharing.”
I really wasn’t. I excelled in keeping things to myself. Like the fact that I’d slept with Bailey. And that the panties thing was a lot more harmless than everything else we’d done that weekend.
The spanking. Theblowjob. I shivered just thinking about it.
“Ugh.” Liam shuddered, giving me a disgusted look. “You totally boned, didn’t you? You have that happy, satisfied sex-face going on.”
I had no reason to be happy. I’d screwed up, and I’d never see Bailey again. If I did, he’d probably kick me in the nuts.
“Aaaand… it’s gone.” Murphy shook his head.
“What happened?” Liam asked softly, the humor gone from his voice.
“Like I said. I fucked up.”
Liam nodded in understanding, placing his hand on my knee. “You said that. But can you tell me what exactly you did?”
Pressing my lips together, I slowly nodded. “I… ghosted him. He’s been texting me, but I left him on read. He tried three times, and the last text sounds like…” I swallowed. “It sounds an awful lot like a goodbye.”
Liam looked at me with pursed lips, his brows furrowed, slightly shaking his head in disapproval.
My heart twisted as my stomach tied itself into knots. I knew I’d fucked up — but seeing my friends being disappointed in me really drove the fact home extra hard.
“Why?” Jason asked. “I mean, ghosting people is so shitty, and while you’re a big grump, you’re not a bad person. There must be a reason why you didn’t text him back. Did your gut tell you that there was something off with him? Maybe something inside you told you he was bad news.”
“There’s nothing wrong with Bailey,” I snarled at him. Victim blaming Bailey for my horrible behavior was so not okay. “I mean, aside from the facts I’ve already told you… the shoe thing is so weird. But he’s…” There was a lump in my throat that I couldn’t dislodge; it made talking hard, but I forced the words out nonetheless. “He’s incredible. Like… He just… makes people like him. It drove me crazy because I felt like everyone wanted a part of him, but at the same time, it’s kind of a gift. And special. Because he’s not slimy about it. Honestly, I have no idea how he does it. Hell, I tried to dislike him. I tried to make him hate me. But… he just rolled with it. It’s wild.”
“Dude, you’re definitely falling for him,” Murphy said with a chuckle. “I never thought I’d see the day. You find flaws in everyone you date. It’s like you’re trying to manipulate yourself.”
“Yeah,” I admitted, rubbing a hand over my beard. “My therapist said the same thing. It was something like me always waiting for things to go bad and for the other shoe to drop so that I was actively looking for the bad things rather than the good ones.”
Liam nodded wisely. “If that’s the case, it’s no wonder you freaked out when someone just slipped past your defenses — and within two days, at that. So, yeah, I get why you did what you did. But that doesn’t justify your behavior. Especially if he asked you to be honest with him. You had the chance to tell him that you needed time or whatever. Instead, you chose to hurt him in one of the worst ways possible.”
“Now, don’t exaggerate.” Jason shook his head. “Dakota definitely made a mistake, but hurting him inone of the worst ways possible? I can think of a lot of ways he could have hurt him way worse.”
Liam huffed. “Sure, you’re probably thinking of all the physical things like stabbing him and stuff like that. But ghosting someone is a mindfuck — same as gaslighting. If someone tells you they’re not into you, it sucks, but you know the reason. But Kota here told him he was into him and then ghosted him. So now that Bailey guy will always have to wonder what he did wrong — and that’s what makes it so bad. He’s denied closure.”
I released a shuddering breath, grabbing my hair. Liam’s soft-spoken words were punches right into my gut, making me unable to breathe.
I hadn’t wanted to hurt him. I definitely didn’t want him to feel like he did something wrong when it was all on me and my messed-up head.
“Kota? Are you okay? You’re really pale.”
I shook my head. “No. I’m not.” And I wouldn’t be until I’d made things right. Could I even make things right? Would Bailey answer me if I tried calling after a week of radio silence? “What do I do now?”
“That depends on what you want the outcome to be.” Murphy shrugged. “Do you want to win him back? I’m afraid that’ll take a lot of work. Groveling. Apologizing. And an explanation of why you ghosted him. Do you want to leave things as they are but don’t want him to wonder what went wrong? Send him a message and explain that you’re not in the right headspace. It’s not a great solution, but it’s better than doing nothing.”
What did I want the outcome to be? That was the quintessential question. Did I want to be with Bailey? Or at least another chance with him?
The answer came surprisingly, frighteningly easy.
