Page 55 of Show Me How to Heal
A smile so big it actually hurt my facial muscles tugged at my lips. Fuck. He was sweet. So unbelievably sweet. Every time he said something like that I thought he couldn’t possibly get any sweeter… until he outdid himself over and over again.
“You need to take the next left,” I told him, nodding ahead. There was a small road parting from the main street. If you didn’t know it was there, it was easy to overlook. However, it was the only road leading to the shelter.
“Have you been here before?” Luke asked, setting the turn signal.
“Yeah, I actually thought about getting a dog myself about a year ago,” I admitted. “I visited the shelter, they asked me a lot of questions, and I realized I didn’t have the time for a dog.” I laughed.
“Like you don’t have time for a relationship?” Luke teased. I liked this side of him, the funny, teasing side. It rarely came out to play, and if it did, I often said one wrong word, and it was gone, sadness and anxiety taking over. If only I knew Luke’s triggers, but they could be basically anything.
Last week, I’d asked something about friends or former colleagues. Yesterday, I’d asked about his favorite sport. Hell, sometimes he shut down on me when I was talking about my YouTube channel or the grand opening. I couldn’t figure it out. I just knew I hated it because I hated seeing him down. And I hated being the reason for his sadness even more.
“It certainly helps that you’re my employee and forced to spend like… thirty hours a week in my shop. Maybe I need to up your hours,” I answered jokingly.
“Don’t you dare. I’ll have a dog to take care of soon.” There was an excited undertone to his voice, and he almost danced in his seat. I don’t think Luke even realized he was doing it, but if he thought he’d be leaving the shelter without a dog, he was fooling himself.
I’d already looked the location of the closest pet store up since I was that confident we’d need it.
“Hey, if you wanted a dog, this is perfect,” Luke suddenly said, his eyes seeking mine for the shortest of moments.
“Hmm?”
“I mean, we’d basically have a dog together. Also,nicht wirklich zusammen,” he blurted, blinking a couple of times. Upon seeing my confused expression, he blinked a couple of times more. “I meant to say, of course, we wouldn’t really get it together, but, like… you’d see them, too. And one day… who knows…” He stopped himself from talking, but I’d already figured out what he was hinting at.
But one day we might be moving in together. One day the dog would actually be our dog because it wasn’t yours and mine, but an ours.
My heart skipped a beat, and a deep yearning took root in my chest. That. I wanted that, even though it was way too early and foolish to think this far ahead. We’d been together for a week. I didn’t know anything about his past.
Well, I knew about his parents, and his brother — who Luke adored — and I knew that something bad had happened. An accident that had destroyed his career and left Luke a defeated mess.
Hell, he had nightmares about it. He wasn’t screaming or shouting, but occasionally, I woke up to him moaning as if he were in pain while tossing and turning on the bed until it fizzled out to little whimpers.
“There!” I said. “On the right.”
There were a couple of buildings. It almost looked like a farm because it had been one at some point in the last twenty years. Until it’d been turned into a shelter for cats, dogs, and horses. Last time I’d been there, they even had a couple of cows.
“Wow, it’s… big,” Luke said, eyes widening.
“It’s the only shelter in a hundred-mile radius,” I explained. “And they do house livestock, so they need the space.”
Luke nodded, signaling he’d heard me but focused on the bumpy road, turning into the yard of the shelter and pulling the car into one of the designated visitor spots. Besides our truck, there were about five other cars and a motorcycle. Most probably belonged to the employees and volunteers.
“We’re here,” Luke said as he killed the engine, his head turning in my direction. The nerves were written all over his face, so I grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly.
“Everything okay?”
He shook his head. “I’m a little afraid they’ll just send me away because I can’t walk properly.”
“That’s ridiculous!” I told him decidedly while my heart constricted. I hated him tearing himself down constantly, reducing his being to his bad knee. He was more than one bad joint!
“I know.” He took a deep breath. “On a rational level, I do know that. But in my heart…” He shrugged, his sad blue eyes searching mine. “I’m trying to get over it, Zayne.”
“I know.”
“No,” he said, agitated. “No,” he repeated after a while, softer this time. “You don’t. Not yet. Someday you will. Until then, please, just know I’m working on it.”
I had no idea what he was talking about, but I nodded nonetheless. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be there. Listening.”
He swallowed audibly before giving a curt nod. “Let’s go,” he said. “Otherwise, I might chicken out.”
