Page 29 of Show Me How to Heal
He wore his hair in a bun today, and I was fascinated that he’d managed to tuck so much hair in such a tight, small bun that was held in place by two wooden sticks. It probably wasn’t held by those sticks, though. That was something out of the movies, when a woman pulled her hair sticks out of a bun, shook her head, and her hair suddenly cascaded down her shoulders in a perfect motion.
God, I wanted to pull the sticks out of Zayne’s hair to see if what I’d seen in the movies might be real after all. I was so tempted…. Because, yeah, I definitely wanted to see his hair falling down his back again. I might develop a kink for Zayne’s hair.
It was just so… soft and silky… and playing with it felt really good, and based on the sounds Zayne made when I’d played with his hair, it made him feel really good, too.
“So… what do you say?” he asked, sounding almost nervous.
I turned around, facing him, meeting his dark brown orbs studying my every move.
“It’s perfect,” I said honestly. It really was. This room was screaming Zayne. “It’s so you! It’s amazing.”
“Thank you,” Zayne mumbled, a blush forming beneath his tan skin. It was harder to see, but it was definitely there — and it made my heart skip a beat. “I’m afraid it’s tacky.”
“Nope.” I shook my head. “Not at all. It’s super on brand for you. I visited your online shop to get a feel for the products I’m going to be selling, you know. And everything works together. This shop, your online shop, hell, you as a human being.”
“My Instagram,” Zayne mumbled, his blush increasing. “And my YouTube channel, too. I tried creating a corporate identity and used a cohesive corporate design.”
“That’s smart,” I said. It certainly sounded smart, but I didn’t really have a clue what he was talking about. I mean I’d heard the terms, but that was it. “Wait, you have a YouTube channel?”
“Uhm… yeah.” Zayne nodded shyly. “I don’t really talk about it much. It’s kind of a hobby. Well, I definitely generate sales via the channel, but notthatmuch. It’s supposed to be relaxing. The soap making, I mean. Many people like seeing me blend in the colors, pour the soap batter, and decorate the soap. Some people love videos of me cutting the soap.” He shrugged. “I started out trying to educate people, but it turned into some kind of feel-good-channel. Sometimes I don’t even talk.”
He was trying to be humble, but he didn’t need to sell himself short. I hadn’t seen his videos ? yet — but if people enjoyed them, they had to be good.
“What’s the name of your channel?” I asked.
“Z’s Soapbox— just like everything else.”
“Is there a reason why you didn’t call your shop Zayne’s Soapbox?” I asked, cocking my head.
Zayne blushed. “Uhm… yeah. So… you know there are a lot of stereotypes out there?”
I laughed. “Tell me about it.”
Football players were manly. Men’s men. Not gay because gay guys didn’t like sports. So fucking many stereotypes.
“Yeah…” Zayne frowned. “So, as fucked up as society is, being masculine is usually seen as something positive. However, there are a few fields in which it’s actually beneficial being female — or being read as female. Romance authors, for example. In the past, there’ve been quite a few male romance novel authors that were talked into using female pen names by their publishers because stereotypes say women are better with feelings. Well, women are also better with skincare and stuff like that. However, I didn’t want to lie or pretend I’m someone I’m not, so I went with my initial, hoping people would just read me as female.” He shrugged. “Honestly, it was stupid worrying about something like that. And extra stupid since I started my YouTube channel like three weeks after starting my online shop.”
He tried making light of his reasoning, but I still felt the uncertainty in his voice, and I tried to think of reasons why it was there. Was he afraid I thought he’d been stupid?
Hell no, I didn’t.
I thought he was brave. Smart.
“Well, let me tell you, your soap works. I get an employee discount, right?” I joked, trying to light up the serene mood. This was a happy occasion, after all.
“You get something a lot better… you get the ugly end pieces for free!” His voice sounded uber excited at the prospect, and it took a couple of seconds until his words registered as a joke.
Okay, he’d started laughing, which made me realize he was joking.
“Your face!” he snorted, shaking his head. “Sorry! I can’t!”
I started laughing, too, because seriously: how was I supposed to not when Zayne was being so adorable? His laughter sounded like a combination of breathless wheezing and a pig squeaking. A-fucking-dorable.
“You do get an employee discount. And you do get the end pieces for free. Ask my best friend Avery. He loves snatching them up. Actually… it’s probably a good idea to give them to you, that way, you get to know my stock and products.” He nodded to himself. “Yeah. I’ll definitely have to do that. Anyways… we need to get started with stocking the shelves and teaching you the ins and outs of my shop. Are you interested in something in particular? Maybe we could go from there.” He scrunched his nose, seemingly lost in thought.
I took a couple of seconds to think about his question. Was I interested in something particular? Well, I was interested in Zayne and everything he had to say. I loved the way his eyes lit up whenever he was talking about his business. I could listen to him for hours and hours, but I couldn’t very well tell him that.
So… I raised a hand and, subsequently, one of my crutches, realizing my mistake after a second and putting my crutch back down, then leaning it against my body and using my now free hand to rake through my hair. It felt… dull. It’d never felt like this before, and I was pretty sure it wouldn’t feel like this to me if I hadn’t tried Zayne’s soap. That stuff had made my hair so soft I hadn’t been able to keep my hands out of it for long.
