Page 40 of Breakdown
“JUST TAKE THE FUCKINGmoney,” Olivia growled, slamming her open palm hard against the wall. Had she been trying to scare a rival criminal, Nik had no doubt she would’ve been successful in her intimidation. As she was speaking to the ancient vending machine in the garage’s waiting room, her threats were largely ineffective.
Nik flinched as she slammed her shoulder into the machine; his nerves were already frayed and this definitely wasn’t helping. In his entire tenure of working for the Bauer’s, he’d only seen Olivia completely lose her cool like this once before, in the hospital right after Peter had been shot. Nik had played the role of the vending machine that night.
Liv and Peter’s relationship was a tightrope Nik just couldn’t navigate, no matter how hard he tried. The bond between them was primeval and unshakable, the result of a lifetime of shared trauma. Neither was processing their mother’s sudden return last night well. Not for the first time that evening, he tried unsuccessfully to conjure up some sympathy for Liv. But all he could see was Peter’s confused, wounded expression when she struck him.
Nik was no stranger to the desperate need for belonging and acceptance that it sometimes felt like only your blood relatives could provide. He saw the way Peter longed for that too. Peter had a right to whatever version of family he could cobble together. Nik just wished that he and Mia were enough to provide it for him.
He didn’t think that was too much to ask of the universe, after everything it had taken from the both of them. More than anything, Nik wanted to give Peter a lifetime of the peace that had eluded him for thirty-four years. He wanted to give Peter love he could be certain was unconditional.
And Nik did love Peter, every perfect, flawed, neurotic, miraculous little corner of his personality. He loved the abandoned, throaty way Peter laughed, like he was making up for lost time. He loved how hard Peter worked every day to better himself, through every frustration and setback. He loved that Peter gave all of himself, fiercely and wholly, to the people he cherished. So perhaps it was selfish of him to want Peter to be a little more careful when it came to his sister.
Nik sighed, fished a crisp single out of the cash drawer and wordlessly fed it into the bill slot for her.
Liv jabbed the diet coke button like it personally wronged her, the can clattering into the bin below. “Thanks,” she said, sounding anything but grateful. She didn’t make any move to grab it, just frowned at her phone for what felt like the hundredth time in the last ten minutes.
Nik was almost afraid to ask. “Is there something wrong?”
Her forehead creased, though it was hard to tell if it was anger or worry. “Not necessarily. Jordan just should have given me another update by now.”
That did nothing to help Nik’s nerves either, and he had a feeling it was because Liv wasn’t giving him the full story. “You said this job was not dangerous.”
“Oh, do me a favor and lay off the whole wide-eyed, wounded innocent act for a second. My brother might eat it up, but frankly I find it fucking exhausting. I said it was simple, I didn’t say it wasn’t dangerous,” she spat, turning the full force of her misdirected vitriol on him.
“I only want Peter to be safe.”
“None of us are safe, Nik, and I think deep down you know that. Don’t think I didn’t notice that .45 you’ve got stashed by the cash register.”
“I have no plans to use it.”
Liv patted her own weapon, holstered at her side. “Yeah, me neither. Shit happens though.” She strode over and took Nina’s gun from its hiding place, removing it from the holster and spinning open the chamber. With a quick shake, the bullets skittered out into her palm like fat roaches. She contemplated each of them as she slotted them back into place, methodical and unhurried. Nik couldn’t help but flinch as she snapped the chamber abruptly closed, pointing the barrel right at him.
His throat worked around an empty, heavy gasp of air, his lungs unable to expand properly in his too tight chest.
“Relax, safety’s on.” Liv set the gun back down on the counter, a wan smile tugging at her lips.
“Christ, you really hate this, don’t you? You hate it and you did it for him anyways.” In spite of her mocking tone, there was a certain frailty to her in the moment. The shadows lining her too thin face were as dark as bruises. “Take it from personal experience, Nik, no matter what you give up for him, no matter what you do for him, Peter's never going to be grateful for it. You won’t get back what you put in.”
Nik swallowed hard, counting backwards from ten. “I do things for Peter because I love him, not because I expect his gratitude in return.”
“Yes, I’m told that one-directional relationships are all the rage right now. Finally, we’ve moved past all that mutual trust and respect bullshit. It’s all love and good old-fashioned hard work and clean living around here with you two, isn’t it?” She smacked her palm into the vending machine once more, a halfhearted, hollow thud. “Except the whole rotten thing’s built on my dirty money from doing jobs like the one Peter’s out on tonight. And somehow you still have the gall to ask me if it’s dangerous. Of course it is. You know any felonies that aren’t? This whole town’s a fucking powder keg right now thanks to you two.”
Her resigned incense barely registered over the sinking dread in Nik’s stomach. “What did you send Peter into?”
“Peter can handle it. You should be more worried about yourself,” Liv said. “You’re the weak link here; why else do you think Stasia Toles went after you?” She shook her head, disgust curling her lip into a snarl. “I should have never gotten involved in that whole clusterfuck with your daughter.”
Olivia Bauer was a hard, angry, calculating woman, but Nik didn’t buy that there was no good in her, no matter how hard she was selling it. She wasn’t her father. She had moved heaven and earth that day to try and find Mia. He tried to appeal to that part of her. “You offered to help us.”
Her hands balled into tight fists. “Our lives would’ve been a whole lot easier without you around complicating things.”
Nik could’ve said the same thing about her.
Liv pushed in on him. “Why do you even stick around, huh? That’s what I don’t get. You or Dave.” Up close, her eyes were shining, furious, wounded, and Nik suddenly found the sympathy for her he’d been searching for. Because it was a genuine question. Olivia had built her whole life around protecting herself and her brother, and she couldn’t imagine a world where anyone else would look out for them. “It’s not that I’m fooling him. It’s not like you don’t know what’s wrong with Peter. Both of you, you see so clearly what Peter and I are and you...somehow you just don’t give up,” she said, her lower lip trembling in spite of herself.
Nik forced her to look at him as he delivered the uncomfortable truth. “Perhaps everyone before gave up too easily.”
Liv swiped her hand across her face, angry, embarrassed tears still gathering at the corners of her eyes. She finally retrieved the diet coke from the machine, cracking it open violently, as if to warn him against any follow-up to the conversation. Nik wasn’t backing down now that he’d found a chink in her armor.
“Which is why I want to make sure Peter is safe. And I know you do too. So I think you should tell me where you got the information for this job.” Nik had been working over her plan in his head like an engine he just couldn’t figure out how to bring to life. There were pieces missing.
