Page 54 of One Little Problem
“Easily,” he assured. Ugh, I thought distantly, were we about to have a romantic, important relationship moment here by the baseball diamond? Move to a second location! No, don’t ruin the momentum.
“Oh yeah?” I asked. Be cool, I scolded myself. My leg jangled like crazy but at least we weren’t standing up because then I might be jumping up and down. Saying be cool never worked.
“Maybe not—” Oh dammit, had I been reading this wrong? “It might be difficult, but we can make it work.”
“Again, we’re not together anymore.” He was speaking like we were. Does that mean we’re getting back together?
“Not really worried about that.” Now, him, he was good at playing it cool. He said the words effortlessly but then his neutral look turned a bit teasing.
“You think I’ll take you back that easy?” Yes, duh, have you not been paying attention? But I could tease right back!
Only we weren’t teasing anymore. We were being serious. His green eyes had such warmth in them as they looked at me. Luke said, “I think that the way you feel about me is the way I feel about you, so we don’t really have anything to worry about there.”
OH MY GOD, WHAT IS HAPPENING? BE COOL. RYAN, BE COOL. FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, BE FREAKING COOL. OH MY GOD, I CAN’T BREATHE, HOW DO I BREATHE? I FORGOT HOW TO BREATHE. STOP THINKING IN CAPS LOCK. REMEMBER TO BREATHE. IT’S GOT SOMETHING TO DO WITH LUNGS, JUST—
“Sorry,” I said, only sounding a little out of breath and insane. “But if you’re saying what I think you’re trying to say, I’m going need the actual words.” OH MY FUC-
Luke grinned. “I love you, you idiot.”
The world seemed to freeze for a moment as everything in my body exploded with joy and shut down but then restarted, back and better than ever. Air filled my lungs again, my thoughts were still somewhat screechy but better. I grinned back. “Even more romantic than I imagined!” The five words everyone wants to hear. I love you, you idiot. I wanted those words on my tombstone.
Luke looked at me expectantly.
I kept grinning and waved at him.
He rolled his eyes but was still smiling too. “I’m going to need the actual words,” he prompted.
“You’re just thrilled you got to throw that back in my face, aren’t you?”
He nodded like he couldn’t help it but only said, “Still waiting.”
“I love you too.” No, that wasn’t enough. “Asshole.” Much better.
* * *
Luke
I am just so proud of myself and Ryan. Saying I love you involved a lot less screaming and fainting and freaking out and accidentally making everything worse than I imagined it would. That went so well, who knows, maybe telling my parents we were back together would go just as good.
Ha ha. Well, a guy could hope. However, Mom had seemed… I don’t know. This was almost like a business meeting except in the kitchen instead of in a boardroom. We sat on either end of the kitchen table, sizing each other up. “Are you back together with him?” was her opening.
“Does it change things if I am?” Hold on, don’t want to confuse things. “Yeah, we are back together. Are you and I not getting along anymore?”
“I didn’t say that.” Figured she wouldn’t outright say no, but… there was something oddly hopeful in the air. This felt different. She seemed… different. “Lydia, uh. She’s been helping me.” She laughed. “If you or Rose or Lily ever dressed all ‘goth’ like her, I would strangle you with my bear hands.” I rolled my eyes. She added, “I hoped I’d understand you better having her here.”
“Did you?” Maybe things had changed from last time. Maybe—
“Not really.”
“Great.” On the bright side? At least she shot down that hope quickly, before it really had the chance to take hold.
“She did help me see that Ryan’s important to you. But you and her aren’t the same. I don’t even know why I liked her from the beginning.” She frowned. “Her being a lesbian, the way she dresses, her smart mouth,” Mom gave me a significant look. “I already have enough children with smart mouths. All of that is stuff I shouldn’t like, so it’s always been odd I felt so connected to her.” She tilted her head. “Do you think I could get her to wear some colors?”
“Mom.” Seemed like she got off track at the end there.
She shook her head and refocused. “I think it’s possible she’s always belonged with us and that’s why none of the rest of it matters. She’s family. That’s why everything has been so weirdly simple with Lydia and I’m sorry I couldn’t give that to you.” Yeah, Mom and I were family too after all. “I didn’t know how because there’s so much history between us. I’ve always thought of you a certain way, always thought being different, being gay was…” Not good. “But the reason it’s so simple with her is the reason it should be with you too. I love you both.”
“You’re saying, um.” Was this really happening. Was she—
