Page 42 of One Little Problem
“The problem is,” Mrs. Reynolds continued. “You think your situation sucks and you can find a way for it not to suck. A solution where it all works out.”
“Don’t think that’s too much to ask for, a version of my life where things work out.” I wouldn’t say me staying would result in a happily ever after because that kind of thing happens at the end of a story and it would be depressing if the end of my story happened in high school, so that would negate the whole happily ever after right there. But me staying for the summer would be, I don’t know, definitely a happy for now story.
“Okay, but see,” Mrs. Reynold’s argued. “Let’s say you don’t go to Chicago, and your chances to get a large scholarship suffer and you can’t afford tuition for an Ivy League school, and then your dad has to mortgage the house or sell it entirely.” Maybe it wasn’t a matter of good and bad. Maybe they were both Annoying Cop.
“Hey—” I tried to interrupt because I was in fairytale land with happily ever afters and talking mice and gigantic pumpkins; going from that to mortgages and disappointed fathers felt like having a house dropped on me, which was edging back into fairy tale territory but still.
“You don’t think he would to ensure you get into a good school?” she asked, which wasn’t really why I objected, more because that was another thing I didn’t even like considering.
“I get it,” I said. Let’s talk about something else. Bippity boppity boo.
“That would suck,” the teacher said, ignoring the magic words in my head and still talking about my dad. “Just suck even farther down the line than a summer away from Luke would suck. They both suck but one would suck more immediately.” She paused. “I feel like I’m saying suck too much, but it was your word, and I’m just gonna barrel on… Where was I?”
“Suck,” Alicia said helpfully.
“What I’m saying is,” the teacher continued. “You can’t control things from where you’re sitting now. You staying doesn’t solve everything. Even if you stay here, things could still get worse. His parents might find out you’re still together—"
“We aren’t now.”
“—Maybe you’ll be bored and he’ll be busy, so you’ll resent staying,” she talked over me. “Or he’ll feel guilty and resent you staying, you’ll fight, you’ll break up.”
“Hey—” I protested because I didn’t like that, even though it already happened.
“There is no scenario that exists where you get to be perfectly happy forever. But I think it sucking a little over the summer is worth it for you, both of you.” Mrs. Reynolds gave me a frank look. “If you can’t survive a little distance now, god, good luck with college—"
Oh holy hell. “Hey—"
“He’s a nice boy, but I’m not sure he’s Princeton material.”
“Sports scholarship,” I muttered weakly.
“Fingers crossed,” she said. Her and Alicia both crossed their fingers. They thought they were so cute. I was totally going to cancel their TV show.
However, I did get her point. My fix-all didn’t fix everything. Only my proximity to Luke. Still sounded kinda good but that didn’t mean it was the best solution. I didn’t like imagining my dad having to work harder than he did because of me.
And god, I couldn’t help getting a little caught on something else Mrs. Reynolds said. Luke might not be Princeton material, but I was? I mean, yeah, I had thought about applying to some prestigious schools, but… she actually thought I could get in? I wanted the world to narrow, to shrink down to just Luke and me because everything was good when it was just Luke and me but…
I couldn’t keep the world out forever. Usually, that seemed like a bad thing. Maybe it wasn’t entirely.
Princeton. That would be pretty good too.
* * *
Luke
Realizing I loved Ryan right when I broke up with him did not make the time after breaking up very easy. However, there wasn’t much to say about that. Thinking hurt. Breathing hurt. Everything hurt. There was just a lot of gloomy feelings and the only thing in my brain was the thing, the person, that needed to be there a little less at the moment. Ryan. It would be really cool if I could go a few minutes without thinking about Ryan.
Baseball today kicked my ass. I wanted to shower and sleep but to do any of that I needed to get to my bathroom or my room. I had just opened the door to my house and gone inside and all my goals seemed so far away. I trudged slowly there.
I should have gone faster.
“Seemed like you were doing so well without Ryan at first,” Mom said, appearing before I could get to safety.
“Dear god, can we please not do this now?” Or ever. I wholeheartedly agreed with that question. I was the one who voiced it. It was just, man, my bitchy verbal conversational skills, those were totally a thing that had improved since dating Ryan, and the question had so much force. It felt like a Ryan thing to say and thinking about Ryan reminded me of Ryan.
Okay, obviously. But yeah, that’s the person I was in a breakup. The, oh god, it hurts, everything reminds me of them person. Super fun. I had stuff to do, so I couldn’t sit around and mope all the time, but I apparently wasn’t the best at putting on a brave face because guys from the team had actually tried to hug me and express condolences. Initiating physical contact that in any other scenario they would call girlie or queer and patting me on the back and telling me to hang in there.
Yeah, apparently that’s how bad it was.
