Page 51 of One Little Problem
I groaned and raised my hands, putting a stop to this. “That last one wasn’t a girlfriend, that was Rose.”
“Oh, well.” She blinked, like she had gotten carried away. “My point was you weren’t serious with most of them and your heartbreak lasted for a day and then someone new caught your eye. I didn’t feel terrible when I felt relief, when I thought, thank god he didn’t get her pregnant—"
“Oh my god.”
Her tone softened as she looked at me with a sad little smile. “But my heart always hurt just a little bit when you frowned and barely touched your food at dinner, even if it was for the best. I was there with you, sad because you were sad. Sometimes I was there holding your hand, other times I was in the next room giving you space, but I was always, my heart was always there with you. And now with Ryan, well, maybe you’re right, I was celebrating.” She shook her head like she couldn’t believe it. Mom paused, like she was waiting for me to lash out again or make a smart comment.
This was all… I had no words at the moment.
“Celebrating,” she repeated. “Every parent knows their child is going to have bad days, experience pain and suffering but that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. You still try your hardest to make the bad parts as few and far between as possible and not always being able to do that is one of the worst feelings in the world. I just. I never imagined I could be so thrilled at something that hurt you, that’s. How could your pain ever be good news to me?”
Might be a rhetorical question, but it felt like it was my turn to speak. I still had nothing. “Um. I don’t. What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing. I. I hate that you’re hurting and I’m not there for you. This must be hard on you, especially if you lo- if Ryan’s important to you and he obviously is. You have to be hurting and I knew that but I didn’t want to focus on it, until someone pointed it out to me and now it’s all I think about, so. That’s all I wanted to say. I’m sorry you’re sad, baby.”
There wasn’t an award for this sort of thing, but there totally should be. I deserved an award for not breaking into ugly sobs. I had no idea what the hell was happening. Was this really happening? I was afraid it was a hallucination. But she reached her hand out and I took it and we just sat there together in silence. My mom and me.
Between us, there was still a lot I didn’t know. Maybe this moment was a one-off, it wouldn’t last, but I’d take it. This was easily the best I’ve felt since breaking up with Ryan.
