Page 46 of One Little Problem
8. Ryan and Luke, individually
Also Lydia.
Lydia
I liked baking. Until I was around eight. Then I told my mother it was an exercise in futility. No matter what you make, a professional can always make it better and all the fruits of your labor are devoured within a few days. Then there was another thing we used to have in common gone, and that probably happened a lot when kids grew up, but then parents and children found new interests together. Only me and my parents never did.
On the endless list of things I detest, baking is right up there. It’s pointless and too much sugar is bad for you anyway. Which is basically how I live my life, with as little sugar as possible.
Yet here I am, baking with Mrs. Chambers. This isn’t even the first time. It’s our thing now and I can’t quite tell her no because—well, I’m already down one mother and she seems to like spending time with me and maybe I freaking need this or I’ve seen the wonders of the joy of cooking or fine—I just like spending time with her too. I have a heart. I prefer to show it to only Alicia, yet I’m all soft and gooey lately like the cake we’re making.
It’s weird. Coming out to my parents and the larger world and being kicked out of my home and feeling like a strong breeze could knock me over and also feeling like the strongest person in the world at the same time. In short, I’ve been through a lot and I deserve cake.
Me and Mrs. Chambers, Linda, are in the kitchen alone right now. Sometimes Lily helps us and sometimes she doesn’t. I like Lily. All my siblings look like me but they’re so perfect and polite, little angels that say their prayers and eat all their vegetables. Lily is an energetic force of blonde hair and giggles, like me at that age, except for the blonde hair and giggles.
Our red velvet cake baked in the oven while we made the cream cheese frosting. I added a ton of red dye, so seeing how it looked would be interesting. I hoped it might look a bit bloody. The outside will look all nice and white and pretty, then you cut into it and carnage. I wanted to see Luke’s face when he had a piece.
I mixed the frosting while Linda started to clean up when Mr. Chambers came in and seemed ready to shove his hand into the sugary concoction I whipped up. I guarded the bowl and moved it out of his reach. He pouts just like Luke and it’s just as effective on me too. “You just came from outside,” I told him without sympathy. “From working on your car.” I eyed the grease on his hands with distrust. I may not bake very often but I understand basic hygiene and that’s unsanitary.
“You’ll cook out any germs,” he tried.
I rolled my eyes. “The frosting doesn’t go in the oven.”
“Well, I won’t tell if you won’t.” Mr. Chambers winked at me.
“No deal.” I stared him down, but he kept eyeing the frosting hopefully. “Move along, old man.” And no one scolds me for not being polite or tells me to respect my elders. Granted, Tim and Linda are totally proper and courteous in front of company and will emotionally slaughter their children for not acting right in public, which I could totally respect if they didn’t count being gay as acting wrong, but here at home they’re pretty lowkey. There was no place to be lowkey in my house because God was always watching.
“Here, I’ll help,” Linda said, sticking her own clean hand into the bowl and holding a finger full of frosting out to her husband.
“Even better,” he said with a grin.
And then they acted all disgusting and flirty while she fed the frosting to him and it’s super gross… kinda sweet too. And hella familiar. The way they pressed into each other’s personal space and everything else faded into the background, and Linda tried to pretend she didn’t like him acting crazy and desperate for the frosting, but she totally digs it. I’ve seen this all before and yet I still never enjoy being constantly subjected to it.
Note to self, never bake with Luke and Ryan.
At least Luke comes by it honestly. When Tim left, I told Linda as much.
“What do you mean?”
“The gross displays of affection.” Oh babe, you’re so cute. But babe, no one could be cuter thanyou. Are you sure, babe? Because I bet you could make Lydia throw up in disgust long before I ever could. No way babe, your adorableness would make her throw up long before mine even made her queasy.
Linda considered what I said. “You mean, Luke and Ryan? They act, they did things like that in public?” The thought seemed to make her paler.
“It’s hard to be annoyed now that I know he thinks that behavior is appropriate after a lifetime of it.” I still would be annoyed but I got it now. That was what love looked like in his house and that was how he and Ryan acted all the freaking time. The current break from that behavior wasn’t even very enjoyable because Luke and Ryan were getting their sadness all over everything. And it wasn’t even the type of sadness I liked. It was just… regular sadness.
“No,” Linda said, shaking her head and looking troubled. “They’re, they’re not anything like us.”
Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve and all that bullshit. I only shook my head right back. “Not from where I’m standing.” I have been subjected to all kinds of gross displays of affection between them. “Have you ever heard the expression that love is love?” It’s all the same and it’s mostly annoying unless Alicia is there to make it less annoying. God, she was great.
She cracked an egg with too much force. “Love. They’re in love? They said that?”
“I don’t think so.” We didn’t even need the eggs anymore, so I moved the carton away from her. “No, they never said it to each other.” Yeah, there was no way.
“You’re sure?”
“If Luke said it, he’d freak out and I’d have to hear about it.” Even though she looked worried, the distaste in my voice almost made her smile. “If Ryan said it,” I continued. “He’d freak out and tell Alicia and I’d still have to hear about it.” Linda relaxed at that, so I added, “I’m sure they haven’t said it yet, but that doesn’t mean they both aren’t completely gone for each other.” They may be broken up, but it didn’t change how they felt about each other.
I frowned as I decided the frosting was done and stopped messing with it. I wanted Luke and Ryan to get back together, but the days leading up to them saying I love you would be dark days indeed. Not even in a good way. Ryan would probably write a 40,000 word essay about it debating the right time and way to say it while Luke would keep talking himself out of saying it first and insisting he didn’t love Ryan at all until he actually almost believed it and got so confused he couldn’t even tell you left from right anymore.
