Page 4 of One Little Problem
“They’re called yarmulkes,” Ryan informed me, then turned to my parents. “And hey, I’m Jewish too.” He smiled in what he thought was probably a charming way but really just seemed like he wanted them to see all of his teeth for some reason. We were on separate pages. I was irritated with my parents, but he couldn’t help being a weirdo, trying to somehow get them to like him, even though he’d be more likely, to I don’t know, win a Noble Peace Prize or something.
…That’s something Ryan’s unlikely to do, right? That’s what I was going for. That he was more likely to do something even unlikelier than charming my parents, but maybe he could actually earn one of those. The guy’s pretty smart. He could totally win an award for that… I’m not entirely sure what a Noble Peace Prize is.
What I did know? Ryan wasn’t Jewish. “No, you’re not,” I told him, even though being aware of whether you’re Jewish or not was really something a person should be able to keep track of on their own. “You don’t have to try to please them.”
“Yes, I totally am,” Ryan continued, deciding to just ignore me. “Let’s bond over our Jewish faith.” There was a pause where everyone struggled for something to say because nobody in the room actually had that kind of faith. My Ryan is embarrassing meter was going off the charts. Ryan turned to my father. “Circumcision,” he said. Oh god. “That stung, huh?”
My Ryan is embarrassing meter surged and spiked, then made a whimpering noise and broke.
I should date someone else. Someone less embarrassing. Really good idea, my brain said. We all stood there in awkward silence, wanting the moment to be over even though it stretched on. I should definitely date someone else. It was a comforting thought for a few moments while I pretended I wasn’t here and was in fact on a date with someone normal.
Not gonna happen, my heart said quietly.
Stupid heart.
Then I remembered there were things I could do other than die internally and that words were a thing that existed. “We’re leaving now,” I decided, grabbing for Ryan’s hand to pull him along if I had to.
My parents didn’t look like they loved the idea, but my mom still agreed. “That’s for the best.”
We got out of there.
“I think that went well,” Ryan said as we rushed out of the house. He giggled insanely and tripped while running out the door, limbs going everywhere for a moment and nearly taking my eye out. Really, heart? I wondered. Why did his stupid laugh make everything inside me all tingly? Why was I always a weird combination of fond, annoyed, and turned on whenever he was around? Why was I asking dumb questions?
There was no logic to it. It was just a fact.
I was crazy about Ryan Miller.
* * *
Ryan
I wanted to say something that belonged on a greeting card, or maybe a t-shirt: something about how the best plans were those you didn’t make, they just happened. Pretty off brand for the sarcastic weirdo known as me, but Luke brought out my sappy side. I’d care, but… Luke.
There was only one street on this side of town that had anything happening at night, and even then, it wasn’t much. There were restaurants and shops, plus the movie theater and fun park, and it all had a quaint, cute vibe. Luke and I didn’t have a destination in mind, just walked around together. Hand in hand. This wasn’t the most accepting place but well… word had gotten around and we were that gay couple. Maybe even That Gay Couple, with capital letters. Might as well make the most of it. And this was nice. Cool breeze in the air, it was a lovely Spring night, though summer was approaching quickly. The stars above twinkled merrily as we strolled around.
We didn’t need anyone else. We had each other. There were people around, coming in and out of stores and restaurants, and some of them gave us a wide berth. That might not be the greatest thing, but hey, it helped with he atmosphere. Gave us more privacy. How romantic.
I used to want to go anywhere else. A new start somewhere a little more accepting, a bigger city. Thought I’d get lost in all the people and no one would notice or care when I checked out other guys and tripped over my own shoes, but I’m not sure I needed that anymore. Turns out, you only needed one or two people to accept you for who you were. The rest of the people didn’t matter. Quality over quantity.
I stand by my statement that everything is perfect. Aside from Luke’s parents. Everything else was perfect. They didn’t like us together and I wanted to not be bothered by that because they just had problems with Luke being with a guy, so it wasn’t anything personal but… I wanted to be liked by them anyway. They were his parents. I had the urge to just smile and nod a lot around them, as if that would somehow get me on their good side instead of coming off as pretty deranged.
“This isn’t the worst date,” Luke said out of nowhere, unlinking our hands. Disagree, but mostly only based on him no longer holding my hand. “A stroll around town.” He put an arm around my shoulder instead. Oh, big improvement.
On account of my basic personality, I had to disagree with him. “What puts you more in the mood for romance, the saws in the hardware store or the foil wrapper from a hamburger someone threw on the ground?” What a view. Maybe we could swing by the abandoned house on 10th street later and see if the feral cats living there would be friendly. We could get rabies. That was a good bonding idea for a couple, right? Contracting rabies together.
“You have to be disagreeable, don’t you?” He didn’t sound too put out by it. The only real qualm I had about our date is that I didn’t get to look at him enough, but I did really enjoy the arm around the shoulder, so. The sacrifice was worth it.
“Generally, yes,” I said, even though technically I was agreeing with him now. “Gotta keep you on your toes.” I leaned into him slightly.
“Even then I’m not taller than you,” he muttered.
“Jealous?” I rose to my full height, looking down at him and squinting like I could barely make him out, he was so far away.
“Not like your height helps you when you never watch where you’re going anyway,” he complained, steering me away from a planter in front of a shop that I almost ran into.
“On dates? Generally, be nice,” I offered that advice out of the kindness of my heart. “This is basic stuff, dummy.” That was still kind. Brutal honestly. That was totally a thing.
“I should tell you to take your own advice—” He turned slightly towards me while still walking.
