Page 36 of One Little Problem
Confident Luke. Invincible Luke. I can do anything, nothing can stop me, ra ra ra. Okay I would never say ra ra ra, even thinking it was a little much. But that whole attitude? Kinda thought it would be longer lasting. That it was part of who I was now. I went through something big and came out the other side stronger. Didn’t think it was fleeting. Hadn’t really thought I was overcompensating for the stuff I’d lost, but I did think that now.
I didn’t feel very strong. I felt small and scared and alone, like a stupid guy who had no idea what to do and just wanted his parents. I wanted to talk to them and they could help me figure this out or just tell me everything was going to be okay. It didn’t feel like everything was going to be okay. But if my parents told me it would work out, I could believe them.
I tried to tell myself it would be okay, but I didn’t believe me.
* * *
Ryan
I went to the diner during lunch with Lydia and Zach. I started compiling several mean observations in my head. Not about them, I just figured that us all hanging out together would involve scathing comments about everything. Actually, I should totally include them in that, there’s no way they’d spare me. Only then they sat down on the same side of the booth and stared at me seriously and I guessed we weren’t here to trash talk the world after all.
We weren’t really supposed to leave the school for lunch, but I wasn’t a hall monitor or the principal or anything, so I didn’t care and since we hadn’t planned this in advance I thought Zach might pay for my food if I said I didn’t have any money. Wasn’t about to turn down a free lunch.
“Ryan,” Zach began after we ordered. “We’re here today because your behavior is hurting yourself and those who,” he hesitated just the slightest bit, “care about you.” Probably some truth to it, why would Zach interact with anyone he didn’t care about at least a little unless he had to but just having to say the words out loud pained him.
“Dude,” said Lydia. She looked unimpressed with him. Hey, maybe there would be trash talking after all.
“What? Was that your opener too?”
“No, I’m just saying the intervention speech was a bold choice.” By bold, she meant dumb.
“You’re getting off topic,” Zach told her. By that he meant, no, you’re dumb. Oh, sass off between Zach and Lydia, who would win? Would the Earth ever be the same? Would anyone survive the carnage? I could duck under the table if things got too heated, hopefully that would protect me.
Lydia pointed to me. “He was so gonna mention it if I didn’t.” She looked to me. “Right?”
“Totes,” I said even though I wasn’t really paying attention. My money would be on Lydia. She had sharper nails. They weren’t even painted black today, just a really dark red.
Zach rolled his eyes. “I concede.”
“Everyone record this moment,” I said. At 12:15 P.M., Zach Ahmad admitted defeat. Historians would note this as one of the few times it ever happened.
“No, you don’t get to join in on the banter,” Zach said. Was this torture, was I being punished? What was I being punished for? I wanted to snark too. “We’re here to set you another word for straight. You must be serious and receptive to our ideas.”
“I don’t like what’s happening here,” I told him. I didn’t know what was happening here, but I understood that I didn’t like it.
“Oh, you like a lot of things in your life?” he questioned with a raised eyebrow. “I was under the impression the sarcasm was a defense mechanism for you not a, ‘wooo, my life rocks’ type of thing.”
“Guys,” Lydia said. She glared at both of us.
“You’re in trouble,” I sing-songed to him.
“Stop trying evade the topic, Ryan,” Lydia said. Zach didn’t mock me verbally like I did him but still looked haughty.
“How can I evade the topic when I don’t even know what’s going on?” They just stared at me with their soulless, unimpressed eyes. Okay, I had a guess what this was about. My boyfriend had loose lips. Wouldn’t think that would be a bad thing. “I didn’t realize the topic had anything to do with you.”
Lydia turned amused while Zach looked pitying. “You really think a sentence like that has ever stopped us before or is going to stop us now?” Lydia asked.
I held up a hand. “See, there’s been a misunderstanding. When Luke is being dumb and I don’t want to tell him myself, I send one or both of you two to tell him instead.” I sent them to be the bad guys. Then I could be, if not the good guy, the guy who still gets to make out with the Luke guy. I really enjoyed being that guy. “That doesn’t work with me.” Wait. “Not that I admit I’m being dumb,” I added hastily.
“Nice save there,” Zach said sarcastically. “Bravo.”
“I admit no wrongdoing but that doesn’t mean Luke thinks I’m right.” Ugh, why did it matter? If I wanted to stay here, shouldn’t he be happy about that? Wouldn’t think he’d want me away from him. Did that mean something terrible, that he didn’t want me around? Oh no, don’t think about that.
“You can’t honestly say you think sitting around and thinking happy thoughts about Luke all summer is better than doing some smart guy thing that happens to be somewhere else,” Lydia said.
“I think that, by your own admission, I’m a smart guy who can attend smart guy things, so I’ll have other opportunities and it’s not a big deal if I can’t do this one.” Maybe missing this opportunity was supposed to seem like a bigger deal than missing a few months with Luke. I just didn’t see it that way.
“Look at you, arguing the semantics because you don’t have a lot of other ground to stand on,” Zach commented.
