Page 3 of One Little Problem
We didn’t know you were having a guest over. Yeah, it was kinda hard to communicate when we were barely talking these days. What was I supposed to do, act it out? I’ve never been great at charades.
“Don’t you guys have dinner reservations?” I asked. We all walked into the kitchen instead of standing awkwardly in the entryway. I stayed close to Ryan, who was at the same time trying to play it cool while also self-consciously straightening his clothes, which meant he ended up accomplishing neither of his goals.
No one offered Ryan a drink or told him to take a seat, even though not showing hospitality was basically on par with murder in the Chambers household, so I got us both sodas and went back to stand next to him. My mother ran her hand along the counter, inspecting it for invisible dust she somehow might have missed while Dad stared firmly at the floor. He did a lot of that these days. Always looking at something that wasn’t me.
Maybe the welcome mat should have an asterisk. Welcome*, then in smaller print, except for our son’s boyfriends. Except it would probably be hard to find a mat like that. And it would draw attention to their son having a boyfriend. Also, I only had the one boyfriend. But any boyfriend I had would be one too many.
“Right,” Mom spoke. “We should be going.” They both stayed where they were. Guess they didn’t think I’d have Ryan over when I babysat Lily. They were the ones that had a problem, not me, I liked my boyfriend for some reason and generally wanted him around. Again, for some strange reason.
Maybe that was mean… I could feel Ryan start to twitch beside me while I watched my parents evenly. I could wait them out, but the spaz next to me couldn’t. “Lily and I are going to make a baking soda volcano,” he said. “Or build a fort, or braid Luke’s hair.” Wait, that last one was news to me. “We have a lot of plans, maybe we’ll make a volcano and a fort. But not at the same time! And I’ll clean it up. I am a very good influence on children.” He grinned insanely. Ryan… didn’t do well when he was nervous. Yeah, that was the nice way to put it.
“Overselling it,” I muttered.
“But not too good an influence,” he corrected. “I don’t give kids a complex or anything.”
“Stop now,” I told him.
“I’m really going to try,” he promised, brown eyes giving me a crazy look like he didn’t know what was coming out of his mouth or how to stop it. He pressed his lips together. There was a pale, gangly freak in our kitchen, pretending like he didn’t have a mouth. He was tall, with stupid brown hair that always fell into his eyes. He had really nice legs, even though they were covered by pants right now. Stupid pants. Nope, my parents were here, so he should be wearing pants.
Mom continued to put on a brave face. Dad stared at the floor. Well, he glared at the floor. Man, that floor sure did piss him off. “I’m sure you have better things to be doing than watching Luke’s little sister,” Mom said, pretending like she was doing him a favor, thinking of him, even though she didn’t offer him a beverage. What if he was dying of thirst?
“I really don’t,” he assured her. I smirked at him because he basically just called himself a loser and then he tried to elbow me.
“We’ve watched Lily before,” I reminded them.
“That was back…” she trailed off.
“When you didn’t know my tongue had been in his mouth?” I asked. I’m not adopted. I’ve got Chambers DNA in my blood and I used to like avoiding scenes and saving face and putting on appearances and all that but… I just didn’t really give a shit these days.
“Luke!” Both Ryan and Mom scolded. Okay, there were no positives to my parents being not cool with me being bi but at least it involved fewer moments where my mom and boyfriend admonished me together. That was so trippy. I would endure it, if I had to, if it meant they could get along but… I just didn’t see that happening.
Also, since when did I know the word admonish? God, Ryan was such a good influence. He totally made me smarter. What parent wouldn’t want that? Besides, you know, mine.
“Maybe you should go out instead,” Mom suggested. Which sounded like a nice suggestion and got me off babysitting duty but just meant she didn’t want the two of us alone together. “Lydia can watch Lily.”
Volunteering Lydia to do anything would usually be a terrible idea—Ryan thought she was the human personification of a pissed off, stubborn cat—but she had a soft spot for my parents. That happened when taking in a stray. And that was its own confusing, separate issue. I thought them taking in one queer refugee was a good thing, but it was mostly just confusing.
Well, if they really didn’t want us watching Lily, something I never got paid for anyway, I was cool with that. “What do you say, Ryan, how about a night on the town?”
“Oh,” Mom said. She had solved one problem but caused another. We weren’t staying in and being all gay together but then we’d be going out, where other people could see us getting our gay all over each other. “What are you going to do?” she asked. Once, this would have been a normal question. They liked being a part of my life, but they hadn’t lately, so I didn’t have to answer.
“Maybe we’ll go to dinner,” I responded, answering anyway. “Or just take a walk around town.” I wanted them to come around. I wanted them to accept me and my boyfriend. Guess I was getting a little impatient though, because goading them was pretty fun.
Mom’s eyes widened and she actually brought a hand to her chest in an absentminded worried gesture while Dad gritted his jaw and broadcasted supremely unhappy vibes. “You could also,” she started then paused. There weren’t a lot of entertainment options, none that weren’t in public but also weren’t so private that we’d be alone together. “Go to the library?” she tried, like that was a totally normal thing for two teen guys to do on the weekend.
“Yes,” Ryan agreed insanely. “The library is the height of romance.”
Okay, that wasn’t true. Everyone in the room should know that wasn’t true, but just hearing that from Ryan made them look alarmed. “Or maybe the movies,” Mom amended.
“That’s even worse,” Dad muttered. A dark theater where Ryan and I could make out. I liked that idea.
Mom glared at Dad briefly. “It’s better than a restaurant that’s so—” Public.
“Come on,” I encouraged. “Finish your thought.”
She looked to me and I looked back evenly. She squared her shoulders. “Unkosher,” Mom decided on. She even met my eyes like that wasn’t a dumb thing to say. God, I thought before I could help myself. You’d like Ryan. He’s stubborn when he’s wrong too.
There was no point dwelling on things like that. I rolled my eyes. “Oh, we’re Jewish now? Better get me one of those little hats.” How did those stay on guy’s heads? Magic? Faith? Huh, maybe. Cool.
