Page 27 of One Little Problem
“And for pie,” Joey added, fist-bumping me. “You should do that again,” he said. That had been right before high school. Would be really hard to say I didn’t know any better now. Knew better then too, but still, I had more deniability then and I was fighting racism.
It was my turn and just to be a dick to Joey who was trying to encourage me to steal again, I said, “Never have I ever eaten dog food.” Okay, I could take cheap shots too.
“Is that the grossest thing you’ve ever eaten,” Alicia wondered. “She asked, even though she wasn’t sure she wanted to know.”
Joey took a drink and didn’t even blink as he said, “Nah, not even in the top five.”
Alicia opened her mouth like she was about to ask about the top five, then she apparently decided she definitely didn’t want to know. “Never have I ever gone streaking,” she said instead. Okay, this was anarchy, everyone just taking their turn whenever they wanted. I might have complained but then Ryan put a finger down.
“Up is down, black is white,” I deadpanned. “My whole life is a lie, nothing makes sense.” I focused on teasing him so I wouldn’t imagine him naked. Maybe there was a room upstairs that was empty where we could go be very unbroken up in.
“Not a big deal,” he started.
“Don’t sell yourself short, babe,” I teased.
“As cute as this is,” Zach said, though his voice implied he didn’t think it was very cute. “Let’s not build this story up as if it’s anything other than a series of increasingly zany situations that ended with Ryan losing his clothes and being locked out of somewhere and running around like a chicken with its head cut off until he found clothes or a sheet or a big leaf.”
Ryan pouted at Zach, so it was totally something like that. “This was like the one thing I got to put my finger down for,” he protested. “You took all the fun out of it.” I would agree with him on his behalf but then he was stealing my drink because he put a finger down and I got caught up with that instead.
I just really liked it. That every now and then he would drink too but he didn’t get his own cup; he shared mine. Yes, I said that already, but I’ve been drinking, and I really enjoyed it.
“Here’s another one for you then,” Alicia said. “Never have I ever kissed a boy.” Yeah, that made everyone put a finger down and Zach was out; all his fingers were down.
“Do I have to drink for each guy?” Zach wondered dryly, even though he totally didn’t care and he was already out anyway; he just wanted to be proud of himself for kissing so many boys.
Lydia made a really undignified, urgent noise and I prepared to mock her for it, but she was busy gesturing to where Joey had discretely been trying to take a drink. A hazy, mostly forgotten memory surfaced. Oh my god, Joey had totally kissed a dude before. How could my brain forget something so important? I could now bring that up forever anytime he tried to give me any crap.
Granted, he looked like he was going to die the entire time it happened, and he said he would kill me if I ever brought it up again, but still, might be worth it. It happened maybe the first or second time we’d ever had alcohol. Getting really wasted and playing truth or dare had seemed like the best idea ever then.
Our little circle exploded with noise at this revelation. Ryan buried his face in my chest, like the image of it was too much to even think about.
“No,” Joey hollered. “It’s not something we ever speak of!” His face was so red. Joey tried to shush everyone even though he ended up making about as much noise as them. He was possibly even worse at being quiet than Ryan. Rarely have I ever seen Joey embarrassed before. This was the guy who almost proudly said dog food wasn’t even in the five top grossest things he ate. I’d judge him for that, but I was definitely there daring him to eat all kinds of things he shouldn’t, so I wasn’t actually much better.
“Come on,” Alicia pleaded. “Tell us. This is cruel.”
“What if I talk about me and Luke kissing in graphic detail until you share?” Ryan threatened him.
Joey thought about that for a second. “Still no.” He bravely lifted his head. “Do your worst.”
“But you drank because of it,” Lydia said, motioning for him to hurry up and tell her already.
“Rules are rules,” he said seriously. “I have honor.”
“I don’t,” Zach said. “Though I would have loved to forget about this, seeing as it was me you kissed.”
The circle exploded with noise again as Joey tried to protest. “On a dare, and we were drunk, and I didn’t know you were a homo!” Joey buried his face in his hands.
“You’re protesting too much,” Zach said, giving him a wicked look.
“Hell no, don’t you dare try to Inception me,” Joey ordered, pointing a finger at him. “You know I’m easily suggestible.”
Zach raised his hands in surrender. “I would go on, but I’m too impressed you referenced pop culture correctly.”
“I do that all the—"
“Not an action movie or something with Megan Fox,” Zach clarified. Man, it was weird that Joey and I had the same taste in girls.
“Touché,” Joey conceded.
