Page 25 of One Little Problem
“No, we aren’t.” See, I had learned things from pretending to date Lydia. Back then, my parents bought it. I was happy to let them think I was with Lydia, to take the extra time before everything changed. But I didn’t want that now. It wouldn’t be real and it wouldn’t last. That’s what I’d learned. “Doesn’t matter whether Ryan’s in the picture or not.”
The mood in here plummeted. “You think you’re going to get back together?” Mom had to ask before I could go on.
“No,” I said. “Not necessarily.” It sounded like the truth because it technically was, I couldn’t get back together with someone I had never actually broken up with. “I’m still bi,” I told my mom, staring into her eyes. “With or without a boyfriend. I like guys and girls.” I didn’t tell my dad’s eyes because he wouldn’t look right at me, so I basically told his eyebrows instead.
I’d been afraid of that once, bisexuality, being bi. Now I almost wanted to tattoo it on my forehead. Not actually that but maybe scream it sometimes. BI. I’M BI. I’M BI AND I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THAT.
Mom’s smile turned strained. “We just don’t get why you’re still going on about this.” Yeah, they wanted it be over and done with, for it never to darken our door again. I couldn’t promise that. “Wouldn’t it be better to just get along?” Mom sounded determined.
“And ignore my differences?”
She smiled gently again. “That’s the kindest thing we know how to do.”
“Try accepting them.” I managed to keep my voice even instead of snarky.
Not that it did any good. She shook her head like I was being difficult. “See, we’re just not getting anywhere.”
And that was the end of that conversation.
My parents wanted to be a greeting card. Cheery, picture perfect, inviting. The ideal family that anyone would wish was theirs. They just didn’t want anyone to look inside. No one was allowed to see anything out of place that was hidden within. Not that there was a lot of that in our family. Until now.
There were things worth being different for. Me being comfortable with who I am was one of those things. How would I explain that to my parents? My mom used to be Linda Lorraine Lowell, which was pretty cool. I was Lucas Lee Chambers, which was alright I guess, but Lucas Lee Lowell would have been so much better. Only Mom hadn’t even thought of keeping her maiden name. Wives just didn’t do that here, especially not back when she got married.
This whole fake break up scheme? I liked that my parents had eased up, but it didn’t mean much otherwise. They thought they were being nice and that we could mend fences or something. Fix what was broken. But there wasn’t anything broken. Or there was, something between us. But it would stay that way as long as they thought that part of me should stay hidden. As long as they thought I was broken.
* * *
Alright, so things with my parents weren’t better, but it was easier. Like they let out a sigh of relief and relaxed now that they thought I was broken up with Ryan, so they weren’t as tense and watchful now. Can I just say something? It’s super unfair that whenever I have a crazy scheme, it blows up in my face spectacularly. But Ryan has a crazy scheme and it seems to work? Come on.
There wasn’t really anything to worry about when it came to Ryan and me; we were still the same post fake breakup. We were at a party, in the basement, and I had no idea if anyone was even paying attention to us, but we weren’t worried about pretending to look broken up. He was sitting on my lap while we were in a circle with our friends. Having him on my lap was always great when he was facing me and we were kissing or touching or something but just having him there while we hung out with people? I don’t know about that.
I mean, I liked it. Because I liked him and it was nice being close. Even though he was a bony bastard and he kept squirming around. That was the downside. I put my hands on his hips to keep him still, but I think he just took that as a challenge and now I’ve given up and just accepted the constantly shifting, heavy, bony weight on top of me. There were six of us hanging out: Ryan, me, Lydia, Alicia, Joey and Zach.
Ugh. Really hate that I do this, even in my head, but Zach demands that he’s never in the middle of a list. He wants either top billing or to be the final name.
We started playing quarters, but everyone sucked at it except for Zach and me, and everyone else wouldn’t stop complaining. Well, except for Ryan. Shocking, him not complaining for once, but he didn’t drink much, so he was just playing for fun. His problem was that he’d get bored because apparently just sitting around and trying to throw coins into a shot glass wasn’t very entertaining if you weren’t drinking.
Ryan made his own additions to the game like turning the cup upside down and challenging us to make it in anyway and bend the rules of space-time or matter or whatever. Then he’d try to swat the coin out of the air when someone bounced it or cover my eyes and tell me to make the shot anyway. I really liked his giant hands, but they were definitely effective at covering my eyes and blocking my view. Still kinda fun but thanks to being blind half the time that meant only Zach was exceling at this and that was just annoying.
Though I really wasn’t sure why we switched to this activity instead. Maybe just to take Zach down? “There’s no point in playing this game,” I said even though I dutifully held my fingers up anyway. “Zach always loses.”
Zach smirked. “Think you mean win.”
“Think I mean you have no shame,” I tossed back.
“Never have I ever had any shame,” he replied smoothly, even though it wasn’t his turn. Everyone drank but him, Lydia, and Ryan.
Yeah, I could see that. I was gonna let Ryan get away with it cause it was close enough, he generally acted like he had no shame, but then he squirmed again for like the seventy thousandth time, so I spoke up. “Oh, you’ve totally had shame,” I said.
“Nothing comes to mind,” he replied sunnily. “Don’t list things,” he warned immediately after.
“Can’t tell me what to do,” I told him gleefully. “We’re broken up, remember?” My hand squeezed his knee. Yeah, so broken up.
He turned a bit to look at me. “Nope, remind me.” His warm brown eyes were full of happiness.
We kissed, which I really approved of even though everyone else started groaning.
“No making out while we’re playing,” Joey said. Doubt he’d say the same thing if Alicia and Lydia started making out.
