Page 18 of One Little Problem
I answered his query with one of my own, “Why is that always your first question?” Should I work the word query into this conversation? Intelligence was sexy.
“I’m a dreamer, maybe one day the answer will be nothing.” I couldn’t see his mock pout but I could imagine it well. His bottom lip sticking out exaggeratedly in a way that made me want to pull it into my own mouth.
“You could just not ask and then imagine I’m naked,” I suggested.
He purred, “I like where this is going.” He still sounded sorta silly, but I was into it anyway. Story of my life with Ryan.
“Okay, this isn’t why I called.”
“Really? It should be.” Man, I had it bad because I didn’t like only hearing the dumb pout on his face and not seeing it.
“Yeah, but seems like it’s getting kind of intimate—"
He made an excited noise. “Say intimate again.”
“No, thank you and that’s a lot for two guys on the verge of a breakup, you know?”
It only took a moment before he got it. “Really?” Never had those words made someone sound so happy.
“If you want.” I want you to be comfortable. And happy. Because I’m comfortable and happy. How awesome was that? Pretty awesome. But it would be more awesome if Ryan was there with me.
“Should I hang up in a huff?” he wondered.
“Maybe just tell me about your day.” We could say we were broken up whenever, didn’t mean we couldn’t talk first. I got over invested in the last crazy scheme one of us cooked up, it was totally me, I wasn’t doing that again.
Ryan tutted. “That doesn’t sound very dramatic.”
“I’m sure you’ll find a way.” Wanted that to be an insult, but it sounded fond.
Felt like he was going to argue for a moment before realizing he couldn’t. “Actually. I have news. I got into the science program that was my top choice. It’s in Chicago—"
“You got in? Awesome!” I understood now why parents put their kids’ artwork and report cards on their fridges, why they had bumper stickers just for boasting. I needed one of those. My boyfriend is a brilliant science nerd. Might be biased, but that sounded like a really dope bumper sticker. Maybe I should be an inventor.
Now for Ryan loudly boasting about his massive brain and making not so subtle references to other parts of his anatomy that might be proportionately big. Or just an excited spiel about everything he’d be doing or maybe a demand for me to compliment him more. What he went with was, “Means being away from you.” His voice sounded quiet. Ryan being quiet always freaked me out.
“We’ll worry about that later.” Was that false modesty? Maybe it was a new bit he was trying.
“Avoidance, good plan.” He sounded fond and then cleared his throat. “Anyway, let’s discuss this breakup. How many times are you going to cry? Do I need to give you tips? Bursting into tears at unexpected moments and making everyone uncomfortable is an artform.”
“I’m going to do the manly, soldiering on in silence thing.” The strong and silent type. My dad had been exemplifying that these days, so I knew exactly what it looked like.
“No fun.” There was that pout in his voice again.
As far as fake breaking up went, I thought it should go like this: Okay, we’re broken up. Now let’s get back to dating.
I changed the subject. “Are you sure you don’t want to brag even a little about how you’re brilliant?”
Ryan didn’t normally act ridiculous, that was a bold-faced lie, but he didn’t do those ridiculous relationship trap things. Like where one person asked if an outfit made them looked fat and then the other one had to tread carefully. Still, this seemed like one of those, him playing off his accomplishment and waiting to see if I would let him. Then if I didn’t bring it up, he’d get mad at me.
“Not really.” He sounded sincere but…
“Seriously? Nothing?” Really? Again, he wasn’t the type to try and trap me with stuff like this, but he also wasn’t one to miss the opportunity to display his awesomeness. Was he sick or something?
Before I could worry too much, he conceded, “Alright, maybe a little.”
And then he went off, showing off his big brain for me and I understood none of it, but I enjoyed it anyway. He was so smart. I was a teen boy who played to type in that the future never really meant anything to me other than five minutes from now. So even though it was approaching soon, Ryan being gone still seemed kinda far away.
However, Ryan being away from me, that I understood. That meant always hearing but never seeing the dumb pout, not getting to touch or kiss him. Him being away from me wasn’t awesome. But as I listened to him talk about all the stuff this program entailed and all the many, many things I didn’t understand, it started sinking in how much smarter than me he was.
Yeah, maybe there was a tiny but not as tiny as I wanted part of me that thought, what’s he doing with me? Maybe I bore him. And if I hadn’t realized he was smarter than me until this moment, I was even dumber than I seemed. I knew brains were his thing, not mine. I guess this just highlighted it. That all his strengths weren’t really appreciated in a town like this, so it made sense he’d have to go be brilliant elsewhere. That wasn’t great, but it was what he deserved. To be brilliant.
I didn’t have the biggest brain, but I had enough of one not to be the guy standing in his way. Maybe I couldn’t give him much, but I could give him that. I couldn’t show up to his games like he did for me, but I could handle him being gone and miss him the right amount: enough to let him know I cared but not so much to make him feel guilty. Maybe I could even go visit him while he was gone.
I didn’t always get things right the first time, but I would try. And if not, I would get it eventually. I couldn’t do rocket science or whatever, but I could figure out how to get us both through the summer.
