Page 69 of Switch
We’re walking from PJ’s apartment toward downtown.He wanted to take me to this cookie place he likes.It’s a nice night for a walk, but he’s been vibrating with tension ever since I returned to his apartment from campus this afternoon.He’s strung tight and glancing every which way, while keeping a grip on my hand that’s less affectionate and more like a leash he’s using to lead me.
When he doesn’t answer, I prod further.
“Does this have to do with what I told you yesterday?”It’s the only thing I’ve been able to think of.The only thing that could’ve changed things between us.After all, if my being PJ’s teacher and trying to break up with him didn’t make him mad, what else would?Except maybe telling him I know my late wife killed someone.On purpose.What would he say if he knew I helped dispose of the body?
It’s not that I don’t want to tell him.The idea of him getting freaked out by it frightens me, though.The idea of him not freaking out over it frightens me more.
PJ glances around again.Stops for a second.“I already told you it didn’t bother me.Let’s say I get why she did it, and if I’d been in her shoes, I wouldn’t have waited so long to solve the problem.”
Well.
With that, he starts walking again.Until his hand tugs mine, I almost forget to follow.
Is this his way of telling me he’s killed someone?I’m not sure what to do with that idea, but it’s not as shocking as it probably ought to be.
“Then why have you been acting as if somebody disrespected you on the day of your daughter’s wedding?”
He turns to me, confused.“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“The Godfather?You know, the scene where—never mind.You’re too young.”
And yet, here I am.
PJ shrugs and returns to scanning the area.Maybe he wants to make sure nobody’s nearby, given the topic of our conversation?Except we haven’t exactly said anything incriminating.
“This isn’t the best neighborhood,” PJ says after a while.“Especially after what’s been going on at your house, we need to keep an eye out.”
Okay.That makes sense.
I get a warm squeeze in my chest.I know he’s the younger one, but PJ has the kind of maturity that comes from surviving.I’ve gotten the impression, despite his denial, that it wasn’t far off from the way Marina grew up.At least in terms of trauma.
Aside from my father dying when I was young and my mother working two jobs to make ends meet, I had an okay upbringing.I was a book nerd who didn’t get out much.Marina, on the other hand, became hardened and strong and calculating because she had to be.I think it had a lot to do with why I fell in love with her.Maybe that’s also why I’m so drawn to PJ.
I think back to a few days ago when I tried to break up with him and wonder what was the worst decision: getting back together with him or trying to break up with him at all?
I still don’t want to lose my job, of course.I love that job.I need that job.But is it possible I love and need PJ more?
“What did Alice say after class that had you laughing so hard?”
What?“Who?”I’m thrown by the abrupt change in topic.Also: “I don’t know who Alice is.”
“Might not be her name.The girl with the headband who was all but giving you a lap dance after class.”
There’s a decidedly petulant grumble in the question, and when the lightbulb over my head finally goes off, I find myself almost grinning.
“You’re jealous.”
“I’m not fucking jealous.”
“You’re mad because I laughed at a student’s joke.Do you honestly think I’d flirt with one of my students?”
“Well, you let one of your students feed you his cock in the shower this morning.”
Jesus Christ.The memory sends heat through my body.“PJ, I would never in my life initiate or encourage any kind of romantic interest in a student in one of my classes.Or in the entirety of Belle Argo University.The only reason I’m with you right now is because we met before school started, and I was already far too attached by the time the semester started.You fucking know that.”
An angry growl is the only warning I get before he hits his hand against the side of the building we’re passing.
“I can’t fucking stand it.You’re mine.All these hot-for-teacher wannabees gather around you after class, and all I want to do is show every single one of them who you belong to.”
